Full Name:Keti Jones. Other kids cry when they don’t get Barbies – I didn’t even get a frikkin’ middle name.

Age: 17.

  D. O. B:28^th July.

Species:*deep breath* One-quarter nymph, one-quarter werewolf, half-human. Hooray for the big multidimensional melting pot…

Place of Birth:The Mortal Realm. Oxford , if you want to be specific. Blackbird Leys, just after Mum had stolen back our hubcaps, if you want to be really specific.

Next of Kin (to be contacted in case of accident): You’re not doing much to reassure me, you know that? Yakky Jones.

School: Kung Shoe. God help us all.

Reasons for Joining:Because my fake Aunty made me? I don’t have any reasons of my own. Aunty Flib decided I was a pathetic excuse for a damsel in distress, and Mum agreed, so they brought me here. It seems OK so far, and hell, I’m not missing suburbia.

FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY:

Psychological Profile:Keti seems to have inherited her father’s easygoing nature and occasional cluelessness, and her mother’s innate intelligence. Luckily, there are no signs as yet of the psychotic episodes that go with it.

She gets on with most of the other students, and is settling in fairly well at the dojo.

Personally, I think that any child of Beansprout and Yakky’s is doing well if they make it through puberty without needing therapy. Keti is living proof that small miracles can happen.

H. R. H. Flibbage of Faerie

Teacher’s Comments:She may have the right build, but, frankly, Keti is not a natural. Time and perseverance could make her a competent student of Kung Shoe, but really, darling, I won’t hold my breath.

Prada-Sensei

End-of-year report *MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR CH1-12!*

KETI JONES

Keti’s first year at the dojo has been just as eventful as I’d expected. Her combat skills have improved greatly – under certain circumstances. She finds teamwork a little difficult, particularly in stressful situations. While she still suffers from a bad case of Primary Protagonist Syndrome, her Multiple-Genre Induced Sanity Dysfunction is coming under control nicely.

Princess Flibbage

STUDENT COMMENTS

This is gonna sound silly in retrospect, but maybe I should have listened to my mum about the murderous rampages...