Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale

A terrible tale of teenage strife in the post-modern era

Or "Why children hate their parents"


This is a parody story, and by definition, a lot of its characters are stolen from other fiction or based on reality. Thank you to everyone who didn't mind their fictional counterparts being involved, and to those who did, fuck off you frikkin' killjoys. Apart from that, please don't steal the original bits, as they're rare, and please don't berate us for stealing things, because it's intentional.

[Hey there! This is co-writer Ally being proof reader and fellow editor. Heeheehee, now I get to be scathing (although I suppose I'll be half-scathing to myself) And this is Emily, who did all the actual work. Like the little red hen, but a green faerie hen.'Oh no! My chicken!' read on, and enjoy And now Tim, who had no part in this, but nonetheless gets permission to scribble all over it without repercussion. Thus are the glories of the welfare state.

 Volume:1"A Foolish Faerietale."


 Once upon a time there was, in true anime style, a bizarre love triangle, where three girls fell in love with a rather unattractive, weedy guy named BARRY. There was RED, a scatterbrained author with an alcohol problem, evil BUFFY the Vampire-Slaying-Space-Pirate, and Oddball, who was, well, odd.

However unluckily for the other two, CABBAGE, queen of the faeries was a good friend of Red's and being fond of meddling, she love spell on Buffy, which caused her to fall in love with a yak herder/vicar from Nepal called GRUUT or, as it is translated, BARTHOLEMEW. So Red got married to Barry (having been given some of the love-potion to play around with herself)and became a forgetful writer with a laptop and Cabbage, because of her meddling, the rules of magic and an allergy to reality fell in love with a donkey-headed faerie bloke called FLYNN which always seemed a little bizarre, because he was strange. And nothing happened for quite some time...[for a better prologue, see episode #92 because I drew it instead]

Episode #1: "The Tale Begins " By Ally

Thanks to the cabbage magic, everyone had got together with their intended, and time passed, as time does. Soon there were enough people for a dodgy sequel involving [cue dramatic music] THE NEXT GENERATION! [like Star Trek, only without the beige or the morality]

Anyway Rn'B's kid had inherited B's ultra skinny gene and R's dodgy hair gene, and was so skinny and spiky that it (she) was called Beansprout.

One day, when she was five, Beansprout was turfed out of the house, and told to get some fresh air.

"What do they expect m.e to do? Frolic?" said Beansprout to her self grumpily as she walked down to the river. As you can tell, she was unusually sarcastic for her size. Suddenly she spotted a little glass bottle washed up on the shore, tightly corked. She opened the bottle and with a rush of green sparks out came a faery.

"GAWD, it reeks in there!!!" gasped the faery giving the bottle a kick. She had a body similar to that of the average Barbie doll, covered in a leaf green cocktail dress. Voluminous amounts of red hair that frizzed all around her head with a crown perched precariously on top and a pair of iridescent wings sprouted from her back.

"Who the hell are you?" said Beansprout.

"I'm Flibbage" said the faery., "Don't laugh;" she added "my parents had a sick sense of humor."

"So did mine" Beansprout said regretfully, "but *gasp* can you be the daughter of Cabbage and Flynn?"

"Well aren't we quick on the uptake?" said Flibbage sardonically "I'm your faery Godmother."[Flibbage seems a lot less well-spoken in these early episodes...also, slightly Chav.]

"Shove it up your ass." Beansprout replied ungraciously "where's my magic sword and prophecy?"


"My mum said that when I reached the age of consent a fairy would give me a magic sword and a prophecy!"

"She would say that, age of consent�I ask you...And how old are you?"

"Five. But I'm very smart."

"Obviously not smart enough to realize that your mother is a silly git," said Flibbage, pulling a floppy disk and a very large machine gun out of thin air. "That stuff is so pass�; we Faeries have got much better facilities now."

"Wow!" said Beansprout, "my very own magical Machine gun! I like it!""

" Well you're gonna need it," Flibbage said, suddenly grave. "Buffy and her Yak man have come from Nepal to wreak their terrible revenge."

"Buffy! Not the Buffy who was after my indecisive dad and got her ass kicked by my gorgeous and fearless mum?!" [Damn Right. Vanity is a sin you know][I suppose history is written by the...uh...authors?]

"I can see who told you that story." Flibbage replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Suddenly a terrible "mooooooo" rang out across the landscape. Beansprout sprung around, machine gun at the ready, and saw a giant, hairy, smelly yak cantering towards her at top speed (25mph). On its back sat a figure dressed in a giant hairy smelly yak skin, laughing at the top of its voice as it pounded towards the small defenseless child and smaller and not quite defenseless teen fairy. "Quick!" Flibbage screamed, as unbeknownst to the both of them a very small inter-dimensional portal opened about six inches away from her left ear, "It's the yak man! Use your magic machine Gun!"

Beansprout pulled the trigger, but the only thing that came out was a small puff of smoke and a 'prffng' noise

"Whoops!" Said Flibbage, "That's the Rather Pathetic and Useless Machine gun of Peace, I must have picked it up by mistake."[presumably, due to their tendency to give everything very convoluted and confusing names, faeries can never actually be bothered to label things properly]

"You're a bit of an ineffectual fairy aren't you?" said Beansprout as the slavering Yak drew ever nearer�


[Something increasingly hilarious and inane no doubt. Anyway, YOU can write the next bit, so there. And show it to NO ONE (I like my walls unpadded)]

[Ah, little did you know, Alice]

 * *And so it began* * *

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."