"The Platetrix" By Ally
said the lead Lardraptor, "You think your puny freak show can match
the likes of us?"
"No, I'm here for my health." Beansprout quipped as she knocked
him out with the stick. The other Lardraptors, who weren't quite so eloquent,
snarled as they leapt wobbily into action.
[What followed can only really be represented
pictorially, because I can't be arsed to write. Actually yes I can because
I can be less arsed to draw. *Cue: Dramatic music*HEY LETS MAKE IT A BALLAD![
two, one two,
And through and through,
Sprout's twirly stick went whack whack whack.
Flib's Fire Chains span.
The Raptors ran,
J shot some in the back.
[Kyakky also shot quite a few and Cabbage turned
the remainder into expensive soap][...well...that
was unnecessary...][duh... we can't leave witnesses]
said Flib, and then began to beat out the small fire in her hair. The
one and only surviving Lardraptor burbled as it came round. Beansprout
poked it viciously with the stick.
"Oy! Tell us where Buffy your evil mistress is, or I will be forced
to continue poking you with this stick in an annoying manner!"
The Lardraptor grinned hopefully, "I tend to remember things when
placed near large piles of money
" It replied.
"Three words. Posh. Soap. You."
"She's in a galaxy far far away, on an abandoned space station, and
to reach it you must face a series of dire space perils such as-"
"Never mind the perils." Said Sprout tapping it on the head,
"Because you can lead the way."
"Only if there's food. Lots of food."
"Whatever. Now move it, fatass!"
J looked thoughtful. "Hmm, we could get a shuttle from the training
"We can do that?"
"Technically no. The People in big leather chairs didn't want you
to actually fight Buffy. They just wanted to study you then wipe your
memory."[when you look at it objectively,
J really is fucking useless as a NGSPIB isn't he?]
"Bastards!!!" Beansprout yelled indignantly. "Now I'm definitely
going to kick her ass. Then their asses!"
Darling have fun in space!" Said Red dappily.
"See you soon!" Added Cabbage, "But I don't want to see
any aliens bursting out of stomachs, people turning into fetuses, or writing
that vanishes away towards the horizon. Cos SPACE DOESN'T HAVE A HORIZON
had left quite a while ago, to set up a video camera in the women's shower
"What was that about?" Sprout asked Flibbage as they left.
"Generic conventions. Only Faeries understand them." [YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
WOOOHOOO!!! Didn't write it, owing to media virginity, but I love it.][I
wrote that, because that's what I thought she'd say in the situation.
][The term 'media virginity' sounds
worryingly like the sort of expression Evangelists would make up.]
"You're not a faery."
So the intrepid Adventurers clanked out of Glastonbury in their Oversized
Titanium Chicken, but somehow ended up on Mars.
[And I would continue, but I ran out of Study Period, so
WHAT MONSTERS AND DANGERS WILL THEY FACE?
WILL THERE BE SOMEKIND OF TWISTED LOVE TRIANGLE INVOLVED?
WILL I MISS THE BUS COS' I SPENT SO LONG WRITING THIS?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON INUBUYAKASHA!