#21 "Deepwater Yak" By Ally
roof falling in was as a result of not only shoddy Martian construction
work, but also the rumblings of a colossally huge spaceship landing nearby.
"What the folk is that!?" Beansprout shouted over the wind of
the ship's propulsion jets, as she pulled herself from the wreckage.
"Well I would say it was a colossally huge spaceship," said
Kyakky sarcastically (being still a little huffy).
A hatch opened in the side and a man wearing a helmet climbed out.
"Hi everyone. I'm looking for Pizza Hut. Have I got the right address?"
"Well there was
" grumbled Flibbage crossly.
"Who are you?" asked J.
The man looked at the four of them, then hesitantly said "It's- Bob,
"Yeah right!" Said Sprout and flung the stick at him. Everyone
cursed profanely as it sailed straight through him with apparently no
"Dammit!" said Helmet man. "Oh well, you'd have worked
it out in the end anyway. I'm the Holographic Projection of the A.I on
board the ship Deepwater YAK. It's a automated time traveling gene ark
from the far future taking genetic material and cryogenically frozen clones
to re-colonize the planet Smurf (which is a cheap rate version of Earth).
['Smurf'? Could you really not think of a better
name?] I just popped through a wormhole nearby to download
a recipe for HoloPizza because I'm bloody starving."
"Heyda hooda wha'?" said Beansprout, "Why do people keep
spouting torrents of incomprehensible rubbish at me today?!"
"Hey, I bet you know where Buffy-the-space-pirate's abandoned space
station lair is. Fancy giving us a lift?" Said Flibbage
"Umm, well- that's not- I mean- probably not a good-"stammered
Great. See you on board." Said Flibbage walking straight through
him onto the ship.
* * * * *
"There's loads of food, so uh, knock yourselves out." Said Helmet
Man. "The Cryogenically frozen kids shouldn't wake up for years yet.
Besides you lot don't look like you eat much."
"Thanks. Do you actually have a name? Or shall we just keep calling
you 'Helmet guy'?" asked Beansprout.
"Well not really. My friends, if I had friends that is-, uh, call
me YAK, like the ship." said Helmet guy and took off his helmet.
"Holy Shit!" screamed Kyakky, Sprout and Flib in unison.
"What?" said J.
"What?" said the hologram with Yakky's face..[alright,
this one deserves it: 'SWERVE~!']
* * * * *
in the year 2132 some freelance nerds picked up some DNA from a load of
early 21st century graves and fed them into the computer. They used three
of them to make the clone crew of this ship, and used the fourth to make
Deepwater YAK's A.I. Bingo. Me." YAK(ky) explained as Flibbage, Sprout
and Kyakky drank soup to recover from the nasty shock. "So?"
"It's my damn DNA!" Said Kyakky indignantly.
"Can't be, you're old and chubby. This guy, he died at about the
age of twenty."
"I died when I was twenty! I just happen to be possessing an old
"Well that explains why two young girls are hanging out with you."
"Euw!" said Flibbage and Sprout in unison and edged away from
"And me!" said J forlornly, then winced at his own words.
"Even my DNA did more with my life than I did
Kyakky into his soup
YAK(ky) looked worriedly at the other three. "Actually there's something
that you all should see
* * * *
Flibbage and J looked at the frozen bodies.
"That's us." Whispered Sprout. [I'm
not even going to BEGIN to point out all the temporal paradoxes this little
scenario should cause][it's a time
ship, it's a temporal paradox WAITING to happen]
"Uh - Yeah." Said YAK(ky).
"And they're the same as us now."
"And if you're the same age as Yakky when he died, and they're our
Suddenly a pleasant yet undeniably evil voice was heard on the intercom.
"Welcome to the SlayStation, we know exactly who you are, and are
not pleased to see you. Please prepare for docking in ten seconds and
immediate death. Hee Hee Hee Ha Ha Ha Ho Ho Ho . Have a nice day."
There was a clunk as the docking clamps engaged.[Hmm,
does this count as...? Oh hell I'll pass it: BUFFY SWERVE~! Number 3,
I might add.]
"Crap." Said Beansprout, beginning to doubt the whole 'Find
Buffy and Kick her sorry Ass' plan.
WHERE WOULD BEANSPROUT'S THOUGHTS HAVE LED HER IF INTERRUPTED? [uh,
that's painfully obvious isn't it?]
WHAT EVIL PLAN IS BUFFY PLANNING?
HOW THE FOLK WILL OUR HEROES GET OUT OF THIS ONE?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON INUBUYAKASHA!