#22 "Yak Trek" By Emily [sorry
ran out of witty titles]
crap." Repeated Sprout as the doors slid back revealing Buffy. Wreathed
in space age dry ice, dressed in the most stylish of snakeskin boots and
black cat suits and holding the amazingly kick-ass gun from 'The Fifth
Element' [Oh every one knows which gun,][the
big scary one that does everything that one you want?][-
yeah][ See what I did there?] She
was indeed a scary sight to behold.
"Ahahahahaha!" Now I can kill you all at once!" She raised
"But wait" yelled Sprout. "Don't you want to tell us your
complicated, but fiendish plan, reveal the whereabouts of the fabled Sword
of Slayskull then leave us to a badly guarded and slow death?"
"Nope" said Buffy and raised the gun again. [YES!
Rule #7 of the 'How To Be An Effective Evil Overlord' list! Though it
would have been better if she'd shot them, and then said no.]
"Wait Mum! Don't shoot! It's me Yakky! Look I possessed a guy!"
"Yakky. How many times did I tell you? Don't. Spoil. My. Moments.
Of, Criminal. Mastery." growled Buffy and shot them full of holes.
* * * * *
we're dead. Again." said Flibbage. [How
many people get to say that eh?]
"Shit Shit Shit! I HATE your mother Yakky!"
"Hey! She's not so bad
and I was just beginning to have fun
"In an old guy's body? Euw."
what do you mean 'again'?" said J nervously.
"I'm Free! Uh-oh." Said K.
"Piss off!" Said Flibbage and kicked his ethereal body back
towards earth. "Now that's over, we need another plan."
"PLAN?!! WE'RE DEAD!" said J hysterically.
Down below, Buffy was attempting to kill YAK(ky). [Authors
note, YAK(ky) reminds me of Tim, lol.][Say
"DIEEEEEE!" she yelled. And opened fire, which of course had
"Ha." said YAK(ky) glumly. "I'm a hologram." [He
should be more entertained by his taunting of other people's uselessness]
"FINE!" she yelled, "Just get out of my sight!" at
which YAK(ky) faded out of sight.
"what shall we do with this big gene ark Ma'am?" asked a henchman.
"Oh I don't care. Set it adrift. I killed them all! AHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"
"Yes Ma'am" replied the henchman as they returned to the station.
He pressed some buttons, and Deepwater YAK was cast away from the docking
"Its time to change location I think!" said Buffy brightly,
"Engage engines." and the SlayStation disappeared off at the
speed of light.
"I have a plan." Said Flibbage.
* * * *
YAK(ky) returned to the ship's bridge, and poured himself a holocoffee.
He wandered into the central chamber, and looked down at the four corpses,
and then at the clones in the cryogenic compartments, wondering if they'd
"Bitch." He said to himself. "Those kids could have been
my friends." And turning away, he let out a small holographic sigh.
He then activated the hyper-temporal wormhole jumping device.
* * * *
Twenty years later, star date 15551911/2020
Five minutes later, shipwise,YAK(ky) was bored. Being a hologram on your
own wasn't much fun. This was why he was surprised to hear a small bleepy
noise coming from the central chamber. Walking in, he saw the small bleepy
noise was accompanied by a small flashy digital screen, reading; *RE-ANIMATION
"Oh." Said YAK(ky) confusedly, and was just about to go and
investigate why this was happening several millennia ahead of schedule
when the pods viciously exploded.
"Nice one!" said Beansprout, "It worked." She flexed
a cloned hand experimentally. "Feels just like me."
"Mmmmm Re-animated corpse fresh!" said Flibbage shaking her
"I'm alive!" Yelled J and ran around flapping his arms, whereupon
he knocked himself out on a bulkhead.
"What have you DONE?!" Said YAK(ky) in a dismayed voice.
"Possessed our own clones." Said Flibbage, "It's just like
being alive, except slightly disjointed." [They
recover from that later?] [Maybe it's like
sea-sickness? ][I imagine it's nothing some
antacids can't solve]
"But those are my crew!!"
"They're made with our DNA, I think we get first call on them."
interrupted Sprout. "And while we're here, we need a favor.Another
"Well I suppose I could. What DNA are you using?"
"YAK(ky)," asked Flib innocently, "Does this ship have
"Uh- well yeah. But they're for defense purposes! I know what you're
planning! You can't use my ship as a war vessel! Its on a- a- rescue mission!"
"Well we are its crew, with innate knowledge of how it works. And
frankly, we don't give a damn about planet Smurf. We've got our own scores
a round of applause for the clever girl who tied up all the loose ends,
killed the cast, brought them back, armed them, and really made them mad.
Not bad for an hours work. Oh and I got rid of K. Yay me!