#26 "The long-awaited explanation of what INUBUYAKASHA actually refers
to." By Emily
oh why oh why oh why oh why do we EVER listen to Oddball? We always end
up in way more trouble than we started," Beansprout muttered with
her head in her hands.
"I'm gonna die! wailed Flibbage, dodging a falling ton of bricks,
which landed on the floor in a heap, slightly denting the cell but not
in a serious way. It was a serious cell.
"It's definitely getting worse," observed Beansprout pushing
the bricks absent-mindedly with her foot.
"Wait! I have a- no I don't." said Flibbage, who looked more
transparent with every minute.
"So is Oddball our enemy too now?"
"I'm not sure, maybe she's misled."
"So we don't trust anyone, right?"
"The one we're- looking for? We were looking for someone, right?"
"Argh! I can't remember who we were looking for either! I'm gonna
DIE!" Yelled Flibbage, but was sudden cut off by a large comedy encyclopedia
which fell on her whilst she was busy panicking. "Ack."
"Flibbage? Flibbage!? Are you dead?" said Beansprout, lifting
the encyclopedia off a slightly flattened Flibbage.
"Oh my God!" said Flibbage sitting up suddenly.
"I've just thought of a plan!"
* * *
"Okay," said Flibbage, after explaining the plan several times
to Beansprout. "This may well not work. If it does work it will only
be a temporary measure, but if we want to get out of here in time to find
the guys and therefore save the universe, it's our only option."
Flibbage took out her magic wand, which really just looked like a bit
of stick. "Describe Yakky. Anything about him, looks, personality,
"Um." Beansprout furrowed her brow thinking about the slowly
dissolving character constructs. "Caucasian male, late teens, jealous,
overprotective, says incriminating things without meaning to, used to
be dead, really quite cute-"
"Ignore that last one."
"I will not," and with a dark chuckle Flibbage waved the wand
in a wide circle whilst speaking the powerful magic words of the spell
she had invented.
Winds of fiction,
Bring us a man,
Who fits the description!"
was a loud bang with accompanying Faery pyrotechnics and the pile of bricks
lying on the floor disappeared. When the smoke cleared there were three
people in the room. One of them was dressed in a red kimono.
"Oh come on Flib, you couldn't even get us someone human? Look at
those ears! And that nose! He looks more like a dog than a person!"
"Well I think he's cute," mumbled Flib.
"The ears fetish must be hereditary then," Sprout said, grinning
at the fact that she could once again make vaguely witty comments.
"WITCHES!!!" roared, [guess who?]
Inu-Yasha [oh yeah][Ally
commences to scream just like people do in American sitcoms when some
obscure person that the audience recognizes but I don't walks in and does
a cameo], "What have you done with Kagome? I'll kill you!
Taste my claws!" and so on. Beansprout casually batted him out of
the way. (Well it wouldn't do if he just slashed them into tiny pieces
Hello, trying to STABILISE the plot here.) Inu-Yasha was used to this
sort of treatment, and in a predictable kind of way, said 'Feh,' to himself
"Shut up Kimono-Dog-Boy, we are doing a spell!"
"Right, now to replace J."said Flibbage, briskly rubbing her
hands together confidently. "Describe."
"Okay. Black guy, really tall, in his twenties, always wears the
same clothes, shades, massively inflated ego, inarticulate, thinks he's
like some big gang member, quite annoying at times.
Mists of time,
Winds of fiction,
Bring us a(nother) guy,
Who meets the description.
more dramatic noises and diverse alarms)
hello sexy ladies, you is looking very sexy." said Ali G, brushing
the dust off his yellow boiler suit.
"Dear God Flibbage, what have you done?"
"Well maybe you should have thought of some more positive personality
"Oh for Folk's sakes!" yelled Sprout in exasperation as she
surveyed the somewhat useless duo of token men, "Anyway, listen up
stereotypical bloke types. We need your help. Not that we're damsels in
"See our big swords and magical powers?" added Flibbage.
"Shut up Flib. We've summoned you to help us escape this high security
government building so we can ultimately prevent the end of the world
as we know it. And we can't do it without you, or we'll be crushed by
"Is it because I is a great hero in 'da hood, who is a great rescuer
of 'da birds what has got themselves into trouble?" asked Ali G.
"No, it's most definitely because you is black." Flibbage replied.
[A note to our Norwegian fans. This isn't racist,
it's a catchphrase we nicked from TV.]
"Why should I help you? I could tear you to shreds! Besides I don't
do anything unless there's a Shikon shard in it for me." Said Inu-Yasha.
"Is that like a Scooby snack?" asked Beansprout sarcastically.
"Kagome wouldn't like that." said Flibbage sagely.
"What do you know about Kagome? If you've hurt her I'll KILL YOU!!
WHERE IS SHE???"
"I haven't touched Kagome; I just know she'd tell to do the right
Dammit, she would as well, thought Inu-Yasha, but chose to only say "Feh."
"Grow up. Just smash the door in."
"Feh. And don't think it's because I'm helping you, it's just that
I have grown tired of this hellish cage!"
Fortunately no one had taken away Flibbage's wand or the Sword of Slayskull,
because the NGSPIB assumed they'd be pretty useless to two characters
who were very unbalanced in the narrative sense, and Buffy was the only
one who really cared about the Sword of Slayskull or had any clue what
it was for anyway. However as Inu-Yasha's magical sword Tetsusaiga cut
through the cell door, the guards and henchmen began to really regret
their superior's lack of forethought.
The big fight scene, Inu-Yasha cuts swathes through the guards (because
in this reality a sword is a sword and the Tetsusaiga will slash anything)
and Beansprout follows behind, bapping people with the mostly useless
Slayskull. Flibbage (at her natural size) darts here and there turning
henchmen into vegetables or mules as the fancy takes her. Ali G, strolls
along at a safe distance, clicking his fingers together and saying 'Big
up 'da Staines Massive!' occasionally.)
the problem was, our little posse didn't really have a clue where they
were going and eventually ended up in a chamber of cathedral-like proportions
with a domed glass ceiling. In the center was a rectangular booth shaped
curiously like a Portaloo.
"Great, a Bog!" said Ali G, "I is dying for a piss."
and opened the door.
"No!" yelled Flibbage, noticing the sign that read 'Inter-dimensional
Portaloo', but it was too late as with the flushing sound of impending
doom he disappeared with a cry of,
"Aw crap! That was the best plan I ever had!" said Flibbage,
and would have continued spewing obscenities, if not for the fact that,
at that moment something in the air began to change. With Ali G.'s removal
from the InubuYAKasha universe, Beansprout and Flibbage should have begun
to feel unlucky again, but instead the balance seemed to be tipping in
the opposite direction. All of a sudden, Beansprout had a thousand quips
lined up, and Flibbage could think of a plan for any eventuality.
"They're nearby," whispered the faery, clutching Beansprout's
arm. There was a dramatic pause as the two heroines stood, looking up
at a particular window in the ceiling, Inu-Yasha stood by, slightly more
confused than before. Then with a crash, the window imploded spectacularly
as two figures on ropes swung through and abseiled down onto the floor.
"We came to rescue you. Oh." said J, noticing the trails of
"Dammit Flibbage! My name's not Will!!!"
"Not that we wanted to see you or anything," mumbled Yakky,
"actually I hate you all, very much. Uh, yeah. But I didn't think
your mother would be pleased...yeah that's it, if you were dead."
he scratched his head embarrassedly. Suddenly he noticed something, "Who
the hell is that, Beansprout?" He snapped, pointing at Inu-Yasha.
"Oh him? Well we had to do this replacement spell, you see, to help
us think straight, and to replace J, we had Ali G., but he fell into an
inter-dimensional Portaloo just before you guys arrived and-"
"You REPLACED me?"
"Oh folk off Yakky! You went off in some big strop, which according
to Flibbage was going to bring about the end of the universe so-"
"So you REPLACED me?!!"
"Can I go now?" said Inu-Yasha sheepishly.
"Oh my God, Yakky, I can't believe you're being such a twat!"
"No, fine, go off with your new boyfriend, I don't care!"
"What the HELL are you talking about?"
Behind the somewhat hard to ignore sound of Beansprout and Yakky screaming
at each other, J noticed that small buzzing noises were coming from the
inter-dimensional Portaloo. J poked Flibbage in the arm to draw her attention
to it, too. The glass from the broken window had showered over the enigmatic
machine, and large shards were protruding from its control panels. It
sparkled, it hummed, it fizzed, and with a sloshing noise, fell over sideways
throwing the door open. To everyone's surprise the figure of a young,
dark-haired girl climbed out, dressed in Japanese school uniform.
"Geez, can't I ever have a normal day?" Said Kagome dusting
herself off, "Go into a public toilet and it falls over! But, *Gasp*
where am I? Inu-Yasha? What's going on?"
dear oh dear oh dear readers,
WHAT IS KAGOME DOING HERE?
WILL THE GANG CONSOLE THEIR DIFFERENCES?
WILL BEANSPROUT AND YAKKY EVER TAKE THE HINT?
HOW OFTEN WILL INU-YASHA SAY 'FEH' BEFORE WE GET RID OF HIM?
I think that clears up the issue of 'what exactly does the word InubuYAKasha
mean?' Easy, it's a combination of three words; Inu-Yasha, (famous
half demon created by Rumiko Takahashi) Buyakasha, (catchphrase of British
comedy character Ali G. meaning 'kill all white men', or something like
that) and yak (comedy smelly bovine animal indigenous to the Himalayas).
People always ask us. I made it up, in episode two, cos I'm a frikkin'
comedy genius. Emmy.]