"The one where Joey, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe Rachel and Monica do
nothing at all and the cast of InubuYAKasha do very little more."
so it came to pass that Yakky and Beansprout were on their way to kick
serious ass in the Gene Ark Deepwater YAK, on the flimsy pretence of rescuing
their friends. Sprout was sitting all alone on the bridge, contemplating.
But she was not contemplating a cunning plan or daring rescue, nor was
she contemplating J's reaction to 'okay in the right light'. No, the thought
currently twisting through the sharp corners and verbal pitfalls of her
over developed brain was- "If they're really the same persona, does
that mean Yakky thinks I'm pretty?"
The ship continued to trundle along
* * *
"And then K blows up the giant evil cockroach alien from the INSIDE
and they return the galaxy to the Arquelians so they don't blow up Earth,
which is good. But then K decides its time to retire, so J wipes his memory
so he can go back to his long lost sweetheart in Kansas or whatever. But
the scary morgue girl is so cool that they make her an agent instead,
and she gets to be partners with J and they all live happily ever after
until the sequel which was a bit poor but just as much fun.- Cool, huh?"
Flibbage stopped to draw breath.
"That never happened to me or anyone I know." said J while he
had the chance.
"Oh." said Flibbage and began to swing her feet on the seat
in the small glass cell/bottle.
"Why have they put you in a small glass bottle by the way?"
"Every Faery has a weakness, to stop us getting too all powerful.
Cabbage is allergic to the real world, for instance. Mine is the inability
to escape from small boxes or jars."
"Of course, right, should have guessed. Have you thought of any escape
plans yet? I could carry your bottle for you."
"Oh yes, I have several."
"Care to enlighten me?"
"You guyscan't always be relying on me and my magic to get you out
of trouble, figure your own escape plan," answered the faerie smugly.
J banged his head against the wall in frustration. It was obviously going
to be one of those days. Under her breath, Flibbage began to tunelessly
sing the musical score of Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat.
* * *
The trouble was that they really had no clue where they were going, or
what they should be looking out for, thought Beansprout, sitting cross-legged
on a console with her nose pressed against the window. It wasn't like
the James Bond movies, where you just happened to stumble across the secret
fortress- or was it? Flibbage was always talking about life as if it followed
some kind of story, all those bizarre faerie phrases about Generic Conventions
and Protagonists and Narrative Models. You couldn't comprehend them unless
you came from outside reality, which was why the faeries all understood
them. Beansprout's conscious mind couldn't make head nor tail of it, but
she generally found if she didn't question the elf, it usually worked.
Just then Yakky walked onto the bridge and began to stare fixedly out
of the next window, she watched him out of the corner of her eye, still
pondering YAK(ky)'s words from earlier.
"Yakky?" she asked absentmindedly.
"Eep! I mean- er- yes?" yelped Yakky, thinking that she'd noticed
him doing the thing where you watch people with your peripheral vision
whilst staring fixedly at a point in the middle distance. [You
all know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you've never done it][-and
your phrase of the decade is coming up soon...]
"You're not a human- right?"
"Well no not strictly speaking." he answered carefully, wondering
where this was going.
"Do you know what a generic convention is?"
Yakky heaved an inner sigh of relief "Yeah sure! That's when things
are like other things that are similar!"
"Oh thanks, how helpful."
And they both went back to staring out of the windows at each other.
* * *
"Giiive me my coloured coat, my amazing coloured coat. Giiive me
my coloured coat my amaaaaaziiing colooooured coaaaaaaaaat!" Flibbage
lapsed into silence. J offered a small prayer to whatever god looked over
ex-government agents trapped in cells with noisy and cheerful little faeries.
It was a goddess.
Flibbage drew in a large lungful of air and launched into the opening
bars of Jesus Christ, Superstar.
[That episode was meant to see a return to the
old school of InubuYAKasha where the episodes were short and nothing much
happened, but amusing conversations that developed the characters of!
our heroes. This does not mean I couldn't think of anything exiting, no.
The traditional InubuYAKasha genre of pointless and amusing things without
copious action, gothic nastiness or death, this I will enjoy.-Alice]