#33"Meet your Yak" By Alice.
was extremely confused. This was not because of someone lying evilly and
using him as a tool of the evil lies, but more to do with the fact that
a huge valkyrie-style woman had just appeared in the cell.
"Well?" she boomed.
who are you?"
"Thou didst invoke me, yet know me not?"
"Well," the woman inhaled sharply and drew herself up to her
full seven feet, she then began in a thunderous voice "COWER BRIEF
MORTAL, FOR I AM YNRI, GODDESS OF YAKS, SHEDS, WEREWOLVES, VIOLENT GIRLS
WITH MAGICAL WEAPONRY, CHEESE, THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY AND
EX-GOVERNMENT AGENTS TRAPPED IN CELLS WITH NOISY AND CHEERFUL LITTLE FAERIES!!!"
"Why should I diiiiieeeeee? La la la la la-la, la la la-la laaaaa
"SILENCE!!!" Ynri shrieked in a voice that would shame Dr. Andrews,[maths
teacher, scary voice...]and Flib was unceremoniously turned
into a triangle of dairylea cheese.
"ah, that's better," said J, "Can you do anything about
"NO, FOOLISH MALE, FOR I AM NOT THE GODDESS OF LOCKED CELLS IN TOP-SECRET
HQ'S SOMEWHERE IN NEPAL!!!"
J waited for his ears to stop ringing, and then sat down suddenly as the
unfamiliar feeling of a plan struck him.
what else did you say you were the goddess of? Quietly
* * *
On Deepwater YAK the awkward silence had lasted the record time of half
"Yakky?" asked Beansprout bravely.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Do you really fancy
" she began, and then chickened out,
"Why? Do you fancy him?"
"I don't think so
why? Do you fancy her?"
"Oh. Okay then."
The silence threatened to return until, due to the fact that they had
forgotten someone needed to steer the spaceship, it crashed into the side
of a particularly large mountain. Due to forces of momentum Yakky and
Beansprout were thrown backwards and landed in a heap on the far side
of the bridge.
"Dammit, not again!" said YAK(ky) appearing on the bridge, but
was interrupted by a blinding flash of celestial light.
"Are we interrupting anything?" asked J sardonically.
"DAAAH!!!" Yelled Beansprout and Yakky simultaneously leaping
away from each other in an amazingly flea-like manner. [They
don't do this any more
I kinda miss that]
"WHERE THE FOLK ARE WE NOW!?!" screamed the disorientated Beansprout
as she looked around the small cell crammed full of Yaks, Tories and Edam.
"Well the goddess Ynri was helping me to escape by invoking various
things she's the goddess of, but none of them were very useful. Then I
remembered you guys, and I didn't think you'd be that busy, but obviously-"
"Shut up J!!!"
"VOTE CONSERVATIVE!" [If I could remember
anything Ian Duncan-Smith has said, ever, I'd ask if we could put it in
there, but all I remember about him is he's Mindy's dad's boss and he
reminds me of someone but I can never remember who].
*Silence from the cheese* [why?
we need more representation from the objective minorities!]
And amid the noise of the assorted people in the cell no-one noticed that
Oz (for was not Ynri a goddess of werewolves?) had managed to pick the
lock until he coughed politely and told them.
FLIB BE RETURNED TO A NON-DAIRY STATE?
WILL THEY ESCAPE THE NGSPIB SECRET HQ?
WILL THEY EVER HAVE NORMAL LIVES?
IT'S NOT REALLY LIKELY, IS IT
YOU'D BE BORED IF THEY DID, YOU KNOW YOU WOULD
INUBUYAKASHA- HELL YEAH!