#45 "Vinyl Fantasy" [which Alice will
swear doesn't sound like a porn movie] By Alice.
J shouted, emptying the Noisy cricket into one of the Beast's eyes, causing
it to sneeze and growl at him. "Oh crap! I'm out of- whatever the
hell this thing is supposed to shoot!"
"J!" someone shrieked, and he turned to see a slim, frizzy haired
figure bulleting through the atmosphere towards him. Flibbage shot over
his head and zoomed towards the Beast, wand poised.
"Stay right where you are! I have a plan!" she yelled over her
"Okay!" J yelled, knowing better than to argue with her when
she had a plan going on. "Shouldn't you be helping?" he added
to Campfy as she sauntered up.
"You are joking right? Do you have any idea how much my trousers
are worth?" snapped Campfy.
"I'm sorry, did you not get un-evilified?"
"HEY YOU! DOG FEATURES!" [lucky Yakky
isn't there or it could get confusing] Flibbage yelled at the
Beast, skidding to a halt in mid-air. The Beast turned its fourteen eyes
towards her and snarled.
The Faery drew herself up to her full, regal, seven feet of height, and
scowled murderously back, sweeping her wand in a giant circle;
"O obscure holy artefact,
Of all relics most odd,
I invoke thee, here and now
Celestial Vacuum Cleaner of GAWD!!!"
[that might be my best spell. Which is a little
depressing.][ As spells go it isn't bad.]
howling noise was heard over the crashing and explosions of Armageddon,
and Flibbage's air circle began to glow faintly with soft, harmonious,
white light. The Beast barely had time to whimper slightly before it was
lifted off its gargantuan paws and spiralled into the portal, which shimmered
"Cool," breathed J in the relative quiet.
"Where's Flib?" mused Campfy.
"Oh no!" J yelled, as a tiny figured plummeted towards the ground.
He ran forwards and caught it. It was Flibbage, frail soot-streaked and
generally burned out. "Flib! Flibbage! Wake up!"
"Fuuurck," croaked the faerie, blinking.
"You're alive!" cried J, and hugged her gleefully.
"Sorry." Suddenly a particularly large explosion nearly knocked
J from his feet. "The world's still ending!"
"Well, duh. It's Yakky and Beansprout's problem, not ours. We don't
have to make an appearance until there's a happy ending, if there is one
"Well, what do we do?"
"Do? No one knows what the dorky sidekicks, plural," she added
with a faint grin, "do in between surviving and the end, it makes
for such an anticlimax!"
* * *
Sprout and Yakky stood near the entrance of the Hell mouth, from which
fire, brimstone and Demons were beginning to emerge, but they were too
busy gawping at each other to notice.
"What the hell does it matter about your soul?! You never needed
one before, besides, what do you care, you're an atheist!"
"I don't want God to know that!"
Yakky took her hands. "Soul or no soul, you're the bravest, most
beautiful girl I ever met," he said quietly, "and you're the
only person in the world who can possibly stop this. If ever we needed
a happy ending, it's now, so get on with it!" [Yeeeek!!!
Blast from the unwanted past! Although it does fit, sadly][
Haha, what was I saying about cheese?]
Beansprout couldn't help her smile, despite the surroundings. "What
a speech, huh? Aren't we the romantic?"
"Oh Shut up," said Beansprout, putting a finger against his
lips and looking deadly serious. "Yakky I-"
Suddenly there was a louder rumble from the Hell mouth, the earth shuddered
more violently and the ground suddenly split apart, leaving them teetering
on opposite edges of a forty-foot chasm.
"OH WELL THAT JUST TAKES THE BISCUIT!!!" raged Beansprout on
her side. [It should be Well that's just perfect!
'cos she needs to be sarcastic, just to charge up the sarcasm ]['That
just takes the biscuit' IS sarcastic. Why do you have to be so picky,
huh? Do I see you typing? NO! It takes you all summer just to proofread!]
are you okay
?" Yakky's voice echoed from a long
"FOLKING FANTASTIC!!!" she yelled, as her sword began to hum
with pent up sarcasm. Suddenly her attention was drawn back to the Hell
mouth, now the Cracks of Doom as a particularly large wave of fire erupted
upwards and formed into a huge demonic shape that glared down at her.
"behold i am the antichrist!"
"Pleasure to meet you, how nice of you to drop in and RUIN MY MOMENT!"
Beansprout yelled, gripping the sword which was now crackling with electric
"She's really mad now." Yakky murmured cheerfully to himself.
"silence foolish mortal and bow! for i am the antichrist, ender of
worlds, consumer of souls!"
"O-ho, reaaaally." Beansprout said slowly, a malicious grin
tweaking at the corners of her mouth.
"you dare belittle me?"
"Damn right I dare! Bring it on biatch!" Beansprout snarled,
holding the Sword of Slayskull at the ready.
The Antichrist laughed demonically and picked Beansprout up, covering
her in dancing flames. Beansprout gritted her teeth. Soul or no soul,
"Beansprout! No!" yelled Yakky, running up and down in a futile
manner on the far side of the chasm.
"what!? my soul destroying fires have no effect!" the Antichrist
Beansprout clutched the flickering sword and adopted an attacking stance.
"Well duh!!!" she shouted and slashed forwards. There was an
explosion, bright as any supernova, then the world went dark.
* * *
" said Beansprout, coming to. Blearily she opened
one eye and looked around. She was lying in a room that was tastefully
decorated, light airy and generally pleasant.
"Took your time," said Red from the bedside, trying to look
annoyed. What she really looked like was someone who hadn't slept well
for several days. However, this wasn't an entirely rare look for Red,
[oh ho ho no indeed] and Beansprout
didn't actually notice.
"OW!" said Beansprout as her mother hugged her, "Sorry
Mum, but I ache something chronic."
"Well I would expect it from someone who faced down the soul-consuming
fires of the Antichrist."
"Is everyone okay?"
"Well Flibbage and J got food poisoning from eating dodgy pizza J
had been carrying around
"What about Yakky?" she said gripping her mother's hand.
"He's been in here a lot, I sent him outside to the gardens to get
some fresh air. Now let go of my hand dear, it's quite painful."
A thought struck Beansprout. "Hey, this is the bloody Faerie realm
isn't it? What happened to the world? Did I save it?"
"It was pretty trashed, but it's salvageable. The faeries are going
to rebuild it, only better than before.[we have
the technology] We put Campfy in charge; she has a flair for
design. Now don't concern yourself with that, go and see Yakky, he's been
very worried." [Red being coherent? *gasp!*][
Red is very coherent. She annoyingly explains ,media laws to the general
Beansprout got up and wandered gingerly through the palace corridors until
she found an archway that led out into a garden. Yakky was sitting at
the top of a soap tree, wistfully surveying the landscape with his Chelsea
scarf draped over his head.
"Oi!" Beansprout yelled at considerable cost to her ribs, causing
Yakky to fall headfirst out of his tree in surprise.
"Ow! Sprout!" he yelled, running over and swinging her around,
"OWOWOW!!! The ribs! The ribs! Put me down arsehole!" she yelled
"Oh, sorry." Yakky mumbled, and took a step back. There was
one of their customary prolonged silences.
"So, we saved the world," Beansprout ventured.
"Happy ending and everything," she tried to shrug nonchalantly.
Beansprout twiddled her hair and felt her face turning pink.
this is gonna seem really stupid now, what I mean is
I was trying to say
but then the chasm
what I mean is, I
"Sprout! You're awake!" Flibbage screeched running into the
garden with J in tow. "We were so-!"
"NO, NO NO!!! HELL NO!" Beansprout yelled furiously, shaking
a finger at them both, "NO MORE GADDAMN INTERUPPTIONS!"
"SHUT UP, AND GO AWAY! GO ON, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
"oh, okay." They wandered away deflatedly. Beansprout turned
back to Yakky with a scowl.
"That's why they're sidekicks, you know. No sense of timing. As I
was SAYING," she continued, "the timing was way better back
at the Hell mouth, but what the folk. I love you; I've loved you ever
since you turned up on my fifteenth birthday."
"So it's purely a looks thing?" he said with a smile.
"What can I say? You are damn cute."
Yakky looked at Beansprout. Beansprout looked at Yakky. They both grinned.
We could tell you about the kiss, but there's already been a lot of cheese
in this episode, so we'll skip it and lie about it afterwards to impress
our friends. [Aww
can't I have my last line
back? It was cheesy, but I liked it
was it? 'And along with a moderately sized helping of cheese along came
a perfectly timed happy ending.' ? Lets have both...]
OR AT LEAST UNTIL SERIES SIX
DON'T WORRY, THERE IS MORE, WE ALREADY WROTE EIGHT SERIES THEN MADE A
WEBCOMIC, SO IT'S A SURETY.
[There will NEVER be an end!!! (I hope)]
[Stop chatting over the end credits Alice]
IT'S JUST A QUESTION OF HOW FAST I CAN TYPE, AS SERIES SIX FILLS AT LEAST
ONE TWO-HUNDRED PAGE NOTEBOOK.
IT MAY TAKE A WHILE.
UNTIL THEN AVID READERS, AU REVOIR AND GOODNIGHT.
[EMMY TYPER OF INUBUYAKASHA! XXX ][and
from Ally! Not that I typed, but still. Goodnight! ]['And
who will help me eat the cake?' Said the Little green hen. 'I will!' said
the Little Red hen, who hadn't done any work except to come along at the
end and whine about Americanisms and grammar.]