is InubuYAKasha's latest reincarnation as a cheesy, made for TV sequel.
This is what happens when you really should have left it at the happy
ending. But unfortunately for Beansprout, Yakky, Flibbage and J, there's
no such thing. There will always be bad guys, embarrassing parents and
bizarre happenings that only they can rectify
And here to begin it is the revamped theme song, written to the tune of
Geri Halliwell's version of 'Its rainin' men!' (Because I don't have the
original.) If you have this tune somewhere, play it as you read this
if not, it probably sounds dumb. Now sung by the autors themselves!]
were random strange adventures,
That involved a floppy disk.
Then we Skipped a decade onwards,
People died and Sprout was pissed. *In the angry not drunken sense*
There were chickens, Kimonos,
Magic swords and guns and ships,
Government agencies, pizza, faeries,
And huge great twirly sticks!
*Crash!* The sixth series!
InubuYAKasha! *Blam!* So here it is!
With plot conventions! *Doosh!* Yeah we got those!
Though it seems- *Kaboom!* -only Flib knows-
killed off all the main cast,
But then we had them cloned! *Duhduhduh duhduhduh*
We had the happy ending, *Duhduhduh duhduhduh*
Is there nowhere left to go?
Well tonight for the 6th time, *the sixth tiiiiime!*
It's all gonna go horribly wrong, *Wrong, wrong,
And the saga will continue,
After this cheesy song! *Not another cheesy song!*
*Crash!* It's so witty!
InubuYAKasha! *Bang!* Just amazing!
It's a cunning satire of our lives,
But each name has a smart disguise
InubuYAKasha! *Doosh!* It's fantastic!
InubuYAKasha! *Boom!* Well it can't be beat!
Flibbage, Yakky, J
bad guys better stay out their way-
bless Em and Ally,
For they were single women too.
They didn't like the real world,
So they did what they had to do.
Made people into faeries,
And embellished the plot with lies,
Because anything is better,
Than their skanky Tingewick Lives!
a-a-a *Go get yourselves a werewolf girls,
a-a-a You know you want to
*Nearly done with the song,*
Pick up your sword say something SARKY *Pick up
the sword and saaaay
InubuYAKasha! *Doosh!* So compelling!
InubuYAKasha! *Bazoom!* But will it never
InubuYAKasha! *Doom!* Okay I'm bored with this now,
InubuYAKasha! *Bang!* I'll just say repeat
to fade and you can make up your own comments.
#46 "Where is my happy ending, where have all those cowboys gone!?"
return to the endeavours of our heroine Beansprout, a year later, as she
nears 17 years of age. Since the complete and utter destruction of the
Earth was diverted by her keen wit, intellect and slightly psychotic hatred
of Nepal, faeries have been recreating the planet and all its people,
led by the newly merged faerie Landscape Architect, Campfy. Our heroes
however have been stuck in Faerie all this time, and have enjoyed a fairly
quiet year without getting covered in mud and blood and demon drool.
The four protagonists were enjoying another sunny day lounging in the
gardens of Cabbage's palace. Flibbage was desperately trying to explain
Conventions and Generics to them, but as they weren't faeries in training,
none of it made sense. Red and Cabbage watched from the veranda.
"There's something fundamentally wrong with this situation,"
mused Cabbage, "it's all too
happy-happy." she waved her
hands to emphasise this.
"And that is why we call it a HAPPY ending. Don't be paranoid."
"Feh, it all reeks of 'calm before the storm' to me. I have forebodings.
There's a B-movie plot somewhere, waiting to pounce."
"Yeah, whatever. Oh look at them, aren't they cute?" Red pointed
at the teens. The were sitting under a tree, except for Flibbage who was
jumping up and down, frantically waving a piece of board covered in diagrams.
J watched with an expression of forced interest and confusion. Beansprout
was leaned against Yakky's shoulder trying to balance the sword on her
finger, but she also looked confused. Yakky looked slightly less confused
but flummoxed nonetheless.
"Don't think I don't know when you're trying to change the subject."
Cabbage said darkly and scowled into the middle distance.
Red shrugged and began to hum 'Over the hills and far away'.
Cabbage banged her head against the table in disbelief.
* * *
and that, is a generic convention!"
"I still don't get it," said J.
"Argh!" the faerie yelled. "Okay, okay, I have a better
allegory. Imagine if someone decided to make a film about our adventures,
"That would be cool." Yakky mused, scratching his chin and nodding.
"Don't interrupt my allegory. Pipe down." Flibbage said, pointing
her finger accusatorially.
"Don't tell him to pipe down!"
"I will tell him to pipe down Sprout, and I will tell you too. Pipe
"Should I pipe down too?"
"Yes you should J. Now! Okay, where was I? Imagine if someone made
a film about our adventures. I dunno, Shannyn Sossamon could be Sprout,
I could be Julia Stiles with messy hair, Seth Green would be Yakky and
Will Smith would be J. Got it so far?"
"Yes Flibbage," they replied, being too bored to object, except
for Yakky who mumbled;"But who are those people?"
chose to ignore him.
"So in this film, certain rules of fiction would apply, yes?"
"What an obvious statement Flib. Talk about stating the obvious
"Good," she continued, "now imagine if those rules applied
to real life!"
"But what about the film???" whined Yakky, and Flibbage realised
"There is no film," she said through gritted teeth.
"What, no film?"
"I don't get it
"Well I'm lost
"WARGH!!!" screamed Flibbage and started to pull out clumps
* * *
on Nu-Earth the finishing touches were being applied to Nu-Nepal, the
center of all the destruction.
"Perfect!" chirped Campfy, conjuring some small blue flowers
to decorate the entrance of the restored Temple of Choom, which had unfortunately
been sucked halfway into the Hell mouth and had gotten stuck.
"You've done a great job, little Freds!" Oddball said with pride
as she watched yaks grazing in the distance, "It's almost as bleak
as I remember!"
"Woo!" Said Campfy to her team. Specifically Flil, Phat and
Florz (some Flower Faeries we have already met in #34), and Flibby (the
Gold Card Faerie), Fliz (The Bone Faerie) and Phneighly (a very young
Animal Faerie). "We're done, let's head back to Faerie!"
"Great! Bye Bye! G'bye now!" said Oddball chirpily as they vanished.
Then she wandered back inside the temple and stood in front of the altar
reciting arcane runes. A portal popped into existence, and out of it walked
a shadowy figure flanked by burly henchmen in black suits and shades.
"Thanks very much," said Mr. NGSPIB (For it was he!), "For
rescuing me and my little organization from the end of the world, Agent
"You're welcome Fred," said Oddball (whose loyalties had always
been questionable) as she donned a pair of black shades and they stepped
out into the sunshine. "Now there's a whole fresh new world to take
over!" And the two of them began to laugh evil, maniacal laughter,
and the camera zoomed out on an extreme high angle towards the ceiling
and just when there should have been a *cut to black*, Mr. NGSPIB stopped
"Oddball!" said with a particularly nasal whine, "Don't
stand right next to me, those robes, like, totally clash with my shirt!"
*Cut to black.*
* * *
Later that day
Beansprout and Flibbage were sitting in Beansprout's suite of rooms in
"God, soon I can get back to the real world," sighed Beansprout
wistfully, "and then I can go to 6th form and be normal because I
won't be constantly trekking around Nepal. There's no NGSPIB left to deal
with and no Buffy. Just nice, normal Earth with occasional faeries and
strange werewolf boyfriend."
"What are you going to do about his ears?"
"Well he'll have to wear a hat, like you and your cardigans."
"Sounds like your life is gonna be really uneventful." Flibbage
replied, inspecting her nails.
"Yeah, it'll be nice not to be risking my life every day."
"Ahem. *Cough* Boring!"
"No it won't be, I can go shopping, and watch TV, like other girls."
Beansprout paused as she couldn't actually remember her last normal day.
It had probably been her fifteenth birthday now she thought about it,
and she smiled as she thought of the pink fluffy notebook. But she'd finished
that day in hospital, with her own personalized ghost. Even though the
year she'd spent in Faerie had been quiet, it was such a bizarre place
that there was always something to keep you confused.
"Well I'm sick and tired of weird shit always happening to me. I
am in desperate need of the mundane," she answered finally.
"It comes with the magic sword and prophecy, I'm afraid, and I think
you like it really." Flibbage said with a smile. Beansprout merely
scowled at her.
* * *
"Actually Oddball," said Mr. NGSPIB, "Regaining control
of Earth isn't my top priority, we've tried that before, and it's not
that amazing. I've found somewhere better. Before the Armageddon incident
I spent some time in Faerie, and managed to infiltrate the palace of the
Queen Cabbage. Really it's a very nice place, full of magic and powerful
creatures. No, I think this time I'll capture Faerie, and then I'll get
"What and ingenious plan Mr. Fred!" said Oddball abnormally
"Under the thumb
" whispered one henchman to the other.
* * *
Cabbage, annoyed at the lack of support she was getting had gone off to
brood on her own. She sat in her throne room with all the lights off,
except for the single beam of moonlight that shone down around the throne.
She drummed her fingers on the arms of the throne, and stared into space.
" she said to herself.
WILL ANYONE EVER KNOW THE SECRET IDENTITY OF MR NGSPIB?
[Which, we remind you, can also be used to refer
to No-Good Stupid Pretentious Immature Blokes.]
WHAT WILL BE THE FIENDISH PLAN TO CAPTURE FAERIE?
WILL BEANSPROUT FIND THE TIME TO GET BORED WITH NORMALITY?
WILL YAKKY HAVE TROUBLE DISGUISING HIS EARS IN POLITE COMPANY?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN