Episode #47 "The Books of Faerie" By Ally
Beansprout said patiently, "I really do have to go now."
"Nooooo!" Flibbage shrieked, clinging to her leg, "I don't
want you to gooooo!"
"-I'll come and visit every weekend since Red is staying to do her
"But who will I bitch with in the week?!"
"J will still be here."
"J can't bitch!!!"
"Hey," said Yakky defensively, Beansprout isn't a bitch!"
Beansprout stared at him sceptically, "Yakky be realistic."
"Well maybe you're sometimes a little caustic-"
"SHE'S THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND I'LL MISS HER!
"Now you're just scary Flibbage."
"Right," Beansprout said, just about managing to lift her overstuffed
backpack onto her shoulder, Flibbage looked pointedly at Yakky.
"What?" said Yakky indignantly.
kicked him in the shins and hissed "If you want to impress her, you
could take the bag, that's what blokes do."
"But I don't need to impress her, she's already my girlfriend!"[lol]
Beansprout's voice came out from somewhere underneath the backpack, "If
I wasn't getting a hernia here, I would be finding something to HIT YOU
"I'll just be taking the bag then," said Yakky, hurriedly lifting
it off her shoulders.
"Thank you. Flib, can we have a portal to Earth?"
"WAUGH! Okay then."
Flibbage waved her wand and the familiar backdoor to reality appeared.
"This'll take you to Buckingham, right next to the statue of the
swan. If you need to get back, kick the statue and shout, 'The ducks,
Dammit, the ducks!' and the portal will open."
"Okay," Beansprout and Yakky said goodbye to Flibbage and J
and walked through the portal, which slammed shut after them.
"Good riddance," Flibbage sniffed, wiping her eyes, "I
hate Folking couples. Sickening."
"Yeah, we won't have to talk pointedly about the weather, for five
days of the week!"
* * *
Oddball was wondering if it was okay to ask a question, and in the end
decided it must be because Mr. NGSPIB hadn't spoken for half an hour.
"Why Oddball, why? Why do you feel you have to speak over me? Don't
I even exist? You don't care at all do you, you mouthy cow?"
"I was only wondering how exactly we're going to get to Faerie Fred,
I'm sorry, so very very sorry
"Hah! You may well ask that Oddball! I have my spies waiting to find
out exactly how Yakky and Beansprout will arrive on Earth, as they are
bound to, then all we'll need to do is copy their actions and we'll be
able to open the portal. After all, they'll want to get back sometimes
to see Red and so on
that 'I'm a faerie in training' bitch!"
"Oh right! Now I understand perfectly, freak!"
"Don't call me a freak, you freak!"
"Damn right. Now hold my sandwich while I dance around singing."
"Anything you say, Fred!" said Oddball snapping off a salute.
* * *
"Right," said Beansprout, stepping away from the statue, "all
we have to do is remember where it is."
"Not exactly difficult."
"How do we get back to Faerie?"
Beansprout glanced at Yakky. "Do you not listen with those overgrown
ears? You kick the statue and shout 'The ducks, Dammit, the ducks!'"
"I know that!" replied Yakky incredulously.
"Then why did you ask?"
They stared at each other for a second. "Whatever," Beansprout
said, waving her hand, dismissively, "let's go, I'm freezing my butt
off out here."
"We can go to my dad's house, I expect he has some food."
As they headed away the NGSPIB agent hidden in the bushes breathed a sigh
of relief and emailed the info back to NuNepal.
* * *
Beansprout drop-kicked the door to her father's house, out of habit more
than anything else.
"Hello, dad? I've come to visit!"
No answer. They walked slowly along the entrance hall.
"Dad? Hello, Dad? Dad, I brought my werewolf boyfriend to live in
sin under your roof!" Still there was no answer, so Beansprout tried
one last time, "Dad, you have stupid hair!" Beansprout listened.
"Definitely not here then," she told Yakky, "There's no
way he'd ignore that."
She pushed open the living room door.
"Ah." Beansprout said. The room was empty.
"You didn't tell me your dad had moved house," Yakky said.
Beansprout stared at Yakky.
"Oh right, you didn't know either
"No, I didn't."
"Sorry." Yakky said and looked around. "Hey cool!"
"Cool!? Not only am I the child of a broken home (twice might I add),
I have now been abandoned by my father, and you think it's cool? What
twisted world do you live in!?"
"The twisted world where we have our own house," he answered
with a grin.
Beansprout thought about this. "Hey that is pretty cool. Just think
what we could do with this place
"Now who's twisted?"
Beansprout clouted him round the head, "With, not in, you moron.
Wouldn't this room look great in puce?"
"Yeah, once we get rid of that NGSPIB classified area sign on the
wall over there."
"DAH!" Beansprout exclaimed noticing the sign. "Oh my God,
the NGSPIB have kidnapped my dad!"
"Oh that's why the sign's there."
"We have to get back to Faerie and tell my Mum!" Beansprout
said, striking her most dramatic pose.
"It'll make her day!"
"Oh all right then."
"Let's go!" Beansprout said sprinted out of the house thinking,
Flib was right, I do miss running around after miscellaneous villains.
Folk normality, this is what I do.
Yakky ran after her thinking, folk, what has she got in this bag, a corpse?
* * *
Beansprout skidded to a halt in front of the statue and kicked it.
"The ducks Dammit, the DUCKS!"
"Shite." Beansprout said.
WHY CAN'T BEANSPROUT AND YAKKY GET BACK TO FAERIE?
IS ODDBALL UNDER THE THUMB?
WILL EM'S EPISODE BE AS COOL AS SHE THINKS IT WILL BE? [SHE
HAS A PLAN]