#53 "Ordinary (Boring) World"
shit," said Emily resignedly as the plot scribbled along without
her. The rest of the people in the library carried on oblivious as she
scowled at the page.
"Whatcha readin'?" Ally said, turning up from nowhere to hover
annoyingly over her best mate's shoulder.
"ARGH!!! DON'T READ OVER MY-"
"Damn, you read fast."
Alice reached round to look at the self-scribbling notebook. "What
are we going to do about this?"
"I don't know, it's your problem, I've finished my episode. I'm off
to see the Art Fuhrer and then I'm going to paint a backdrop. Bye bye!"
"Hey wait you lousy skiving-!" but Emily had scuttled away.
"Goddammit!" Sitting down with a sigh, she began to read.
* * *
"Mwahaha!" chuckled Barry to himself as he explored the castle,
trying to perfect his evil menacing laughter then, "Ooh! Cabbage's
tights are so amazing!"
"Just why exactly are you going through her wardrobe?" said
Agent C appearing in a doorway.
"Daah! No reason!" he yelled slamming the door.
C stared at him for a moment. "So- uh, evil leader, what's our next
"Well with that damned child of mine and her annoying friends out
of the way, the mortal realm will be a pushover. Everyone knows that tanks
and armies and so on are nothing compared to four teenagers. Then we'll
go after the real world."
C looked puzzled. "Real world? But you already mentioned the mortal
"No, the mortal realm isn't-" Barry's brain caught up with his
mouth, "-just called the Mortal Realm ahaha, we call some bits of
it the real world."
"Such as?" she said witheringly.
* * *
"Folk." said Ally, later on as she wandered around her house
with a cup of tea and the notebook, trying to sort the situation in her head using her author-senses
without the help of Emily's technical expertise. "Hmm
still the villain, so the heroes are still heroes.
Only they're no in the script anymore, so they must have been transported
out of that world altogether
Right on time, and unusually for the real world, there came a knock at
* * *
"Sorry to bother you," said J as Ally opened the door, "for
some reason we've just appeared on your lawn and we were kind of wondering
if you knew anything about it."
Ally repressed the urge to scream 'ARGH! WILL SMITH!!!' and settled for
"Oh. My. God."
"Hey, you really look like my mum
" said Beansprout suspiciously
looking over J's shoulder.
" said Alice nervously and leaned back
into her living room. "I've gotta go out, I might be some time."
Iain made some kind of teenage boy noise in acknowledgement.
"Okay follow me," Ally added as she pushed past the four people
standing on her doorstep and onto the mean streets of Tingewick.
"Hang on, why are we following this girl?" demanded Beansprout.
"Yeah, who are you, and why were we on your lawn? Are you a witch?"
"I'm A- well wisher
"Where are we going?" Yakky added.
"To see a friend of mine."
"Because I have a plan
This was something they could all understand so they shrugged and followed
her. A stupidly short time later considering how long it usually took
them to get anywhere, Alice stopped outside a small, picturesque thatched
Em looked up in annoyance as Alice burst into her room. "Ally, it
is Tuesday and I have to go to Movie Makers. Now where's my Pepper Spray?"
"EM, EM, EM!!! LOOK!" squeaked Ally, herding the protagonists
into Em's room.
"Holy Shite!" yelled Em in shocked and lapsed into a stutter,
CUP OF TEA!!! What the hell is
"The spell brought them here!"
"But they are fictional constructs!!!"
"Never mind." Em said, "Only a media student would understand.
What am I supposed to do about this?"
"I have a plan, but I need a copy of Inu-Yasha."
"Oh, so no one wanted to use my media/art/film/waitressing specialist
"Screw you then." Emily said huffily and got Inu-Yasha Vol.
12 off her shelf. With and over-dramatized face of indignance she handed
it to Alice.
"Flibbage, do you still have faery powers?"
"Aha!" said Emily realizing the plan.
"Magic the four of you into this book."
Flibbage waved her wand with a cynical look;
"Well everything's gone pear-shaped,
Thanks to Barry's ploy,
So let's pay a visit,
To that demonic fool, Dog-Boy!"
"Bloody sarcastic faeries." muttered Emily.
"It's your fictional future daughter."
"So now I'm guessing we steal someone else's narrative and write
"We so have the same brain."
"But I'm writing it. I am the person."
"No way! I wanna be the person!"
the demon hunter stood between the Demon Naraku and the extremely angry
Inu-Yasha, clutching the Tetsusaiga and engaging in a frantic internal
Whatever will I do? If I give the sword to Naraku, we're all doomed, but
if I don't my little brother's reanimated corpse will continue to be his
undead slave! Oh no I'm really confused
I wish I had a guardian
angel to show me the way
At that moment, a tall, winged humanoid glided down to the ground in front
"Sango," Quoth the 'angel'
"Yes?" she replied in awe.
"I would advise you to-"
Before she could finish three people fell on her from a great height.
Painful for all involved.
"-move before my friends squish you." Flibbage said with a sigh.
"Gasp!" said Kagome (who was a little less useless now as she
could fire a bow and arrow, but hadn't matured much.) "It's those
people who turned me into a chicken! What can it mean?"
"Hey, you turned yourself into a chicken, fool!" said Yakky
who didn't like any of them because of the parallels between Inu-Yasha
"Nyarrgh!" said Inu-Yasha who didn't like anyone really.
"How dare you interrupt my truly over-complicated plans!" thundered
Naraku, "Now you will feel the wrath of the Saimyosho, my poison
"Hmm insects and a guy in a monkey suit. How terrifying." Snapped
Beansprout, idly slicing the Naraku Golem and the Hell Wasps to ribbons.
"Cool-I mean, Feh!" said Inu-Yasha
"What now?" said Yakky, looking around at feudal Japan
"I think we just wait until those weirdos write us back into our
own world using an intertextual crossover." Said Flibbage.
"Oh. Okay. So
how's everything with you guys?" Yakky asked
in an attempt at small talk with the cast of Inu-Yasha.
Flibbage danced a small random dance. "Isn't this great? Everything's
back to normal, bizarre but non-potentially fatal things are happening
and I'm not hungry because I'm nowhere near a pizza hut!"
She was suddenly interrupted by the guy in black robes jumping in front
of her and clasping her hands. "My lady, I don't mean to be forward,
but will you bear my child?"
"Only if you want a child with wings and frizzy hair called Miraflibbokurage."
"Oops! Got to go," said Flibbage hurriedly as a small portal
appeared in the clearing. "Guys! Guys! Wait for meee!"
They all jumped through the portal which closed with a portal-esque *Pop*
"I hate them." Grumbled Inu-Yasha
"Oh, you hate everyone," Kagome answered matter-of-factly as
she helped Sango up.
"That's not true, I like- Elvis," Inu-Yasha finished hurriedly.
"How the hell do you know about Elvis?"
"Well, um it's a long story
Look over there!" Inu-Yasha
said, and ran away.
* * *
"There. Another bastard problem out of our way." said Em
"We so rock."
"Yeah we so do! Lets go get drunk!"
"Don't you have to Pepper spray evil Simon?"
"I think I can miss one evening of badly disguised chat up lines." They were halfway down the stairs
when Em stopped. "Oh. We never got our plot back from Barry."
"Let's not bother, that's what heroes are for."
"Yeah, now where did I put that bottle of Baileys?"
* * *
Our intrepid Heroes, AKA The Meddling Kids, appeared outside Cabbage's
Palace in the Toothbrush Garden (The only place not guarded by NGSPIB-
disgusting unhygeinic henchmen).
"Right," said Beansprout. "I'm really pissed off, I feel
a showdown is imminent."
"Good, you should." Flib said, marking out plans in the air
with her wand (which left trails of glitter). "While you're kicking
Barry's ass, I'll go and set our mothers free, then probably rally the
Faeries against the NGSPIB."
"Well most of my plans would end up with up us storming the castle,
and mother would kill me if I so much as got dirty footprints in her hallway."
"Can't you lure the NGSPIB out then rally against them?"
"That's it!" Flib began to sketch eagerly. "Mutter-mutter
decoy mutter-mutter pit mutter fool-proof mutter AHA HA HA HA HA!"
"Riiight. Off I go then," Beansprout said and trotted off towards
the palace leaving the others watching Flibbage laugh insanely in the
garden. She got inside easily enough, because even in Faerie, NGSPIB agents
were selected especially for their stupidity and uselessness with guns,
and wandered into the throne room, where she assumed Barry would be.
As soon as she walked through the door it slammed shut behind her. All
the candles blew out, and then, rather sheepishly relit. Beansprout drew
the sword of Slayskull.
"Oh yeah, you're so scary with the big sword." A voice
said, as the NGSPIB programmed, Deepwater YAK clone of Beansprout stepped
out of the shadows. She was carrying an equally wicked looking sword and
smiling an evil grin that Beansprout sincerely hoped she never used. Before
she could think of a witty retort, the evil Beansprout attacked.
HOW WILL BEANSPROUT COPE IN A BATTLE AGAINST HERSELF
(COULD THAT BE AN ENEMY WORSE EVEN THAN THE ANTICHRIST???)
WHAT IS BARRY UP TO IN THE MEANTIME?
WHAT DOES INU YASHA KNOW ABOUT ELVIS?
FINDOUT NEXT TIME ON INUBUYAKASHA!