Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale


Episode #47 "The Books of Faerie" By Ally

"Flib," Beansprout said patiently, "I really do have to go now."
"Nooooo!" Flibbage shrieked, clinging to her leg, "I don't want you to gooooo!"
"Flib-"
"WAUGH!"
"-I'll come and visit every weekend since Red is staying to do her faerie training-"
"But who will I bitch with in the week?!"
"J will still be here."
"J can't bitch!!!"
"Hey," said Yakky defensively, Beansprout isn't a bitch!"
Beansprout stared at him sceptically, "Yakky be realistic."
"Well maybe you're sometimes a little caustic-"
"SHE'S THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND I'LL MISS HER! WAUGH!"
"Now you're just scary Flibbage."
"Sorry. *Sniff*"
"Right," Beansprout said, just about managing to lift her overstuffed backpack onto her shoulder, Flibbage looked pointedly at Yakky.
"What?" said Yakky indignantly.
J kicked him in the shins and hissed "If you want to impress her, you could take the bag, that's what blokes do."
"But I don't need to impress her, she's already my girlfriend!"[lol]
Beansprout's voice came out from somewhere underneath the backpack, "If I wasn't getting a hernia here, I would be finding something to HIT YOU WITH!"
"I'll just be taking the bag then," said Yakky, hurriedly lifting it off her shoulders.
"Thank you. Flib, can we have a portal to Earth?"
"WAUGH! Okay then."
Flibbage waved her wand and the familiar backdoor to reality appeared. "This'll take you to Buckingham, right next to the statue of the swan. If you need to get back, kick the statue and shout, 'The ducks, Dammit, the ducks!' and the portal will open."
"Okay," Beansprout and Yakky said goodbye to Flibbage and J and walked through the portal, which slammed shut after them.
"Good riddance," Flibbage sniffed, wiping her eyes, "I hate Folking couples. Sickening."
"Yeah, we won't have to talk pointedly about the weather, for five days of the week!"
"WAAAAAURGH!!!"
* * *
Oddball was wondering if it was okay to ask a question, and in the end decided it must be because Mr. NGSPIB hadn't spoken for half an hour.
"Uh… excuse me…"
"Why Oddball, why? Why do you feel you have to speak over me? Don't I even exist? You don't care at all do you, you mouthy cow?"
"I was only wondering how exactly we're going to get to Faerie Fred, I'm sorry, so very very sorry…"
"Hah! You may well ask that Oddball! I have my spies waiting to find out exactly how Yakky and Beansprout will arrive on Earth, as they are bound to, then all we'll need to do is copy their actions and we'll be able to open the portal. After all, they'll want to get back sometimes to see Red and so on…that 'I'm a faerie in training' bitch!"
"Oh right! Now I understand perfectly, freak!"
"Don't call me a freak, you freak!"
"Sorry."
"Damn right. Now hold my sandwich while I dance around singing."
"Anything you say, Fred!" said Oddball snapping off a salute.

* * *
"Right," said Beansprout, stepping away from the statue, "all we have to do is remember where it is."
"Not exactly difficult."
"No."
"How do we get back to Faerie?"
Beansprout glanced at Yakky. "Do you not listen with those overgrown ears? You kick the statue and shout 'The ducks, Dammit, the ducks!'"
"I know that!" replied Yakky incredulously.
"Then why did you ask?"
"I didn't!"
They stared at each other for a second. "Whatever," Beansprout said, waving her hand, dismissively, "let's go, I'm freezing my butt off out here."
"Where to?"
"We can go to my dad's house, I expect he has some food."
As they headed away the NGSPIB agent hidden in the bushes breathed a sigh of relief and emailed the info back to NuNepal.
* * *
Beansprout drop-kicked the door to her father's house, out of habit more than anything else.
"Hello, dad? I've come to visit!"
No answer. They walked slowly along the entrance hall.
"Dad? Hello, Dad? Dad, I brought my werewolf boyfriend to live in sin under your roof!" Still there was no answer, so Beansprout tried one last time, "Dad, you have stupid hair!" Beansprout listened. "Definitely not here then," she told Yakky, "There's no way he'd ignore that."
She pushed open the living room door.
"Ah." Beansprout said. The room was empty.
"You didn't tell me your dad had moved house," Yakky said.
Beansprout stared at Yakky.
"Oh right, you didn't know either…"
"No, I didn't."
"Sorry." Yakky said and looked around. "Hey cool!"
"Cool!? Not only am I the child of a broken home (twice might I add), I have now been abandoned by my father, and you think it's cool? What twisted world do you live in!?"
"The twisted world where we have our own house," he answered with a grin.
Beansprout thought about this. "Hey that is pretty cool. Just think what we could do with this place…"
"Now who's twisted?"
Beansprout clouted him round the head, "With, not in, you moron. Wouldn't this room look great in puce?"
"Yeah, once we get rid of that NGSPIB classified area sign on the wall over there."
"DAH!" Beansprout exclaimed noticing the sign. "Oh my God, the NGSPIB have kidnapped my dad!"
"Oh that's why the sign's there."
"We have to get back to Faerie and tell my Mum!" Beansprout said, striking her most dramatic pose.
"Uh, why?"
"It'll make her day!"
"Oh all right then."
"Let's go!" Beansprout said sprinted out of the house thinking, Flib was right, I do miss running around after miscellaneous villains. Folk normality, this is what I do.
Yakky ran after her thinking, folk, what has she got in this bag, a corpse?
* * *
Beansprout skidded to a halt in front of the statue and kicked it.
"The ducks Dammit, the DUCKS!"
They waited.
Nothing happened.
"Shite." Beansprout said.
WHY CAN'T BEANSPROUT AND YAKKY GET BACK TO FAERIE?
IS ODDBALL UNDER THE THUMB?
WILL EM'S EPISODE BE AS COOL AS SHE THINKS IT WILL BE? [SHE HAS A PLAN]

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."