#56 "I've really got no idea what you did last summer, and frankly
it may be the key to my demise"
thing about dungeon #25 or as Cabbage had named it 'The chasm of DOOOOM'
was that it was dark, very dark indeed.
"Mmph!" yelled Yakky, which roughly translates as ; "Rah!
Let me out! Keep away from my girlfriend you bastards!" and other
such Yakky-esque phrases. After kicking at the door (because his hands
were tied behind his back) for a while he sat down on the floor with a
Suddenly there was a shuffling moaning sound from the opposite side of
the cell, similar to that of someone regaining consciousness.
"Nmph?" said Yakky inquisitively.
"Urgh, my head
stupid faery bitch, hit me on the head will
" groaned a familiar voice.
"Jmph??" Yakky asked.
"Yakky? Is that you dude?" asked J, lighting a match he had
been conveniently carrying around just in case. The conveniently high
levels of magic in the area conveniently caused it to metamorphose into
a candle shaped like a donkey chewing cabbage leaves. Conveniently.
"Wargh!!" yelped J, dropping it on the floor, where it got up
on its own and sat grinning at him with its head on fire. "Weird,"
he said to himself before taking the gag off Yakky, "By any chance
did Flib go crazy and hit you too?"
"They're clones!" Yakky said urgently, "Untie me quickly,
we have to rescue Beansprout from my evil twin!"
"Huh?" said J, being a man and therefore slow on the uptake.
"There are clones. Of all four of us. They're evil."
"That would explain Flibbage hitting me. That girl can really punch!"
"Yeah, but we gotta get moving because E-Yakky is with Sprout!"
"Wait! How do I know you're not E-Yakky?"
"The clones don't seem to have any knowledge that precedes our deaths
on Deepwater YAK. We got away from E-Sprout because she didn't know me
and Sprout were a couple."
"How do I know you're not just saying that because you're a clone?"
"Shut UP J, stop being a twat and UNTIE ME so I can rescue my
girlfriend who has NO IDEA how much DANGER SHES IN!!!"
"Okay, you're definitely Yakky." Grumbled J.
"Well you're too stupid to be anyone except the real J."
"With that settled, let's go uphold gender stereotypes and rescue
Together they braced themselves, kicked down the door and trounced the
two useless henchmen guarding it. The little donkey candle followed them
up the corridor, looking around curiously.
The real Flibbage meanwhile was keeping well out of the way as events
unfolded at the Magic Mushroom Plateau. Quietly crouching atop one of
the mushrooms she murmured an invisibility spell.
atop this Mushroom dreamy,
I'll see all but none will see me."
be good" muttered Campfy as Flibbage noticed the NGSPIB creeping
in. Yoink! She thought to herself and grabbed the triple personality faerie
by the collar, dragging her into the spell's diameter.
"Huh?" said Campfy. Then, "But you're- oh no!- Then that's-
Argh! The NGSPIB!"
"Shut up!" hissed Flibbage clamping a hand over Campfy's mouth.
Those are evil clones, okay? See how the henchmen are rounding up all
"Eep! But why did you rescue me?"
"Well firstly because you were the only person within grabbing distance,
and secondly because to outwit an evil villain with control of the narrative
I'm gonna need someone who can think evil."
"But I'm ex-evil!"
"Well you're gonna have to try harder then!"
* * *
Beansprout closed her eyes and pretended to be dead; to be honest it wasn't
difficult. E-Yakky had shot her through the shoulder, missing her heart
and lungs[evil or not, i guess he's pretty dumb],
but she was bleeding heavily and if something wasn't done about it she
wouldn't last long.
"Hah. Thinks she's so tough." Said E-Yakky to himself and kicked
her in the ribs. No reaction. He chuckled as he looked at the Sword of
Slayskull, "Nothing's good for killing people like a gun." He
turned on a heel and stalked out of the room.
"Not the boyfriend, stupid, stupid, stupid." said Beansprout
to herself through gritted teeth. Back to the matter at hand; trying not
to die. Unfortunately Red's idea of teaching her daughter first aid was
'There's nothing that a glass of Gin can't cure!' There was something
you were supposed to do, keep the wound higher than the heart, she thought.
Under the circumstances, kind of difficult. As she watched the pool of
blood spreading across the floor it suddenly struck her as funny and she
began to giggle. Her vision was getting blurry around the edges. This
is very bad, she mused, but still she couldn't stop laughing, or crying,
she wasn't sure which.
"SPROUT? SPROUT! SHOUT IF YOU CAN HEAR ME!" a worried voice
yelled somewhere down the corridor.
"Nuh?" Beansprout groaned, then thought, whoops, that could
be a clone
Yakky and J skidded into the room and nearly tripped over her.
if you're clones I'm g'n kick yo' ass
mumbled Beansprout, waving a finger at them weakly.
"Argh! Sprout! You've been shot!"
talk about stoopid
"Why is she laughing!? Is that blood? Oh my God, is she dying!?"
yelled Yakky, panicking.
s'not like it hasn't happened b'fore
ha ha ha
"Right." Said J firmly whilst Yakky panicked like a headless
chicken. "It's a damn good thing Gov. agents get taught first aid,
I'll do something about this wound . You make sure she doesn't lose consciousness."
"I don't know, talk to her! You are so crap in a crisis!" J
went over to the cupboard and began tearing an expensive shirt into strips
whilst Yakky knelt down next to Beansprout.
"Sprout? It's me, Yakky."
aha, but is it
"Be serious Sprout, how many fingers am I holding up?"
well I'd call them claws
ha ha ha"
"Fine! How many claws?"
twelvety. Hee hee
"Will you be serious?!"
no, too tired
g'dnig-OW!" she squeaked as he pinched
her cheek to wake her up.
"Don't go to sleep!"
hey, you're cute, did I ever tell you that
"Seemingly only if you're about to die."
* * *
problem with Barry, is he's always one step ahead. Then there's the matter
of the clones
" mused Flibbage to herself as Campfy pulled evil
faces at a small looking glass.
"Do I look evil?"
"Don't look evil, think evil!"
"I don't really remember being evil- or useless."
"Well for goodness sake, you've certainly got the second part going
* * *
"I can't believe you had your own daughter shot!" said O to
Barry, who was sitting on his throne feeling triumphant.
"I don't care! I've got all the faeries!"
"And all the other supernatural creatures," said C idly.
"Whatever. The only one missing is that blasted princess, who I'm
going to lock in a jam jar FOREVER and some two-bit landscape architect
"Campfy? Name rings a bell Fred, I think she rebuilt my temple in
" O mused.
"Bwa ha ha! Maybe I'll make her design me a new palace, I hate this
cheesy Disney/Gothic Décor."
"Flibbage probably rescued her. That's just her style creeping around
with her elf friends and her 'plans'." C added, between typing up
lines of a report on the faerie takeover.
"Oh yeah, now I remember Fred! Campfy is Buffy's new alter ego!"
WHAT IS FLIBBAGE'S PLAN THIS TIME?
CAN CAMPFY LEARN TO THINK EVIL AGAIN?
WILL BARRY TRIUMPH?
TO BE CONTINUED