#58 "Pizza is a dish best served cold"
in another part of the dungeons.
"Well this sucks royally your highness!" snapped Red, "We
escape the dungeons, we go back in the dungeons. Out-in-out-in-out-in-"
"Piss off, or I'll never let you be a faery," sulked Cabbage.
"Mmpfrrgh, don't wanna be a skanky faery anyway-"
"Cabbage drummed her heels on the floor crossly. "ELF!!! Where
"Here, my love?" sounded a voice from nearby in the darkness.
"This is absolutely your fault elf!"
"Perhaps you'll feel better if I sing you and Elvish Ballad, O delight
of my heart?"
"It'll be Welsh."
"No, It's Elvish."
"WELSH!!! WEEEEELLLLSSSHHHH!!!!!!" Screamed Cabbage and kicked
her shoe in his general direction.
"Now look whose getting mardy
" sniped Red.
"This sucks SO much!" snarled Cabbage when she managed to unclench
her teeth. "Here we are, the Supreme High Ruler of the Faeries and
an immensely intelligent (if somewhat slutty) mortal and we can't even
get out of this stupid dungeon!"
"If only we had some alcohol
" sighed Red wistfully, "I'd
have a snowball, haven't had one of those in years
Cabbage chose to ignore her.
* * *
This is a very small box, thought Flibbage worriedly. Not that I'm claustrophobic
or anything, it just is rather small. It's bigger than the time with the
bottle and the river, or that time with NGSPIB and the Jam jar. But they
were glass! Is it me, or is it getting cramped in here? It was at this
point she decided to do something about the situation before she got paranoid;
"Keepers of the Faerie Nation,
I require an excavation!"
all of Campfy's followers fell into a large flooded ditch which appeared
as if from nowhere. Whilst our practically indestructible Arch-Nemesis
was complaining about her shoes and escaping an angry Snole whose water-Strawberry
patch she had trampled, Flibbage floated away, chuckling darkly to herself.
"Where's that bastard faery??!" raged the soaked Campfy, "How
does she always do that!??"
"Alas Dark Mistress, her skill in finding obtuse words that rhyme
is unsurpassed by any in the land," said an Angel Clone reproachfully.
"Rats!" yelled Campfy, and dusted him, just to make herself
* * *
AWAY!" yelled J as he turned and fled. Yakky and Beansprout followed
"Ahar! You can run but you can't hide!" E-Yakky called after
them, and was going to give chase, but then he decided he'd mourn E-Sprout
for a while. "Boo hoo and et c," quoth the evil clone, "I'll
get you for this, original me!"
When Beansprout Yakky and J considered themselves safe(r) they stopped
to catch their breaths by a small stream running through the devastated
"Folking sword," muttered Beansprout darkly, banging the shattered
hilt against a rock, "and wait- yes my shoulder does still hurt like
hell, how pleasant."
"I told you so," said J, staring at the stylish Dark Tower.
"You know, that castle really reminds me of someone
something very familiar about its haute-couture-yet-undeniably-diabolical
" Beansprout and Yakky stared at the elegant spires,
the gracefully crafted gothic arches, the carelessly thrown aside karaoke
"If I didn't know better
"It looks just like the work of-"
"Hello? Hello!" squeaked a small mournful voice as a waterlogged
jewellery box floated past. J reached out and fished it out of the water.
With a cautious glance at the other two, he undid the catch.
"Ooh that bitch! She knows that my faery weakness is to be unable
to escape from glass jars, small boxes or children's safety mugs!"
Flibbage raged, trying to smooth down her hair.
"Where have you been you colossal skiver, whilst we've been fighting
our evil clones?" Beansprout asked giving her a sharp poke.
"Well I've been mumble mumble mumble
making matters worse," the faery answered sheepishly.
"Oh I know!" said J suddenly, "It looks just like something
Buffy would build!"
Everyone turned to stare at Flibbage, who winced.
"Oh no." Said J
" said Yakky.
"I swear you will be going right back in that box once we've done
with all the evil," Beansprout growled.
* * * *
When Barry returned from a rather *interesting* party being held in the
mortal realm by Agent S, he was extremely surprised to see a Buffy-esque
faery tower practically on his front lawn. As the self-styled Ruler of
Faerie he felt it was his right to be indignant about this. Putting on
his 'I am indignant' face he knocked on the front door. He was more surprised
when it was answered by a faery almost exactly resembling Buffy, Oddball
had warned him, but unfortunately for him, he didn't concentrate well
when faced with beautiful faeries in revealing red dresses.
"Barry?" smiled Campfy, who had long since given up on the 'kill
the children then Barry' plan and had decided to off them in whatever
order they showed up, "Long time no see! Do come in! I have a special
glass of wine with your name on it!" Smiling sweetly she beckoned
him inside. Barry whose thoughts ran no deeper than 'Oh my God, I can
totally see her cleavage!' blindly followed.
* * * *
"In the interests of furthering the narrative, I suppose we ought
to go in there
" said Flibbage as they watched the Dark Tower
through a dishevelled ornamental hedge.
"I don't see why we always have to wreck Buffy's plans! Why don't
we destroy your family's evil empire Sprout?" Yakky whined.
"That's what we're doing Yakky." Beansprout replied, staring
at him with distaste.
"Fine. What about Flibbage?"
"My mother is tyrannical, but she's essentially a good guy."
"Aren't any of J's family evil?"
"Dude, I don't appear to have a family
"What about if I kill you all then murder Buffy on behalf of my camp
comedy villain overlord?"
"Uh, who said that?" The quartet turned around to see the rather
crazed looking E-Yakky standing behind them, flanked by E-Flib and E-J.
All holding scary looking guns.
OH CRAP YOU MAY SAY!
HOW WILL THEY ESCAPE THIS TIME?
WILL CABBAGE AND RED GET OUT OF THE DUNGEON FOR GOOD?
WHO'D WIN IN A FIGHT BETWEEN BUFFY AND BARRY?
WHERE ARE O AND C?
WILL THIS SERIES EVER END?