we started a new notebook here, we did a nice re-cap and character bios
in the front for ourselves so it would look pretty. I have added this
for comedy value and for those who can never remember who's who and what's
going on. Plus also, as this is the part of the story where many of the
'real' people start actually affecting the plot rather than just existing.]
PREMISE; A long time ago (the nineties in fact), Red-the-easily-distracted
befriended the newly crowned Queen of Faerie, Cabbage. Together they plotted
to make Buffy, Red's rival in love, fall for a Yak Farmer so that Red
could get near Barry, who she had a crush on. Later, a terrible magical
accident caused Cabbage to fall in love with an elf called Flynn, who
had Donkey ears. Thus it came to pass that presently, three very odd children
were born to these ill-fated couples, and it must have been destiny that
one day their paths would cross
A professional authoress of immense intellect, razor wit, massive determination
and- loose morals. Mother of Beansprout, she is currently an asylum seeker
in Faerie and applying for citizenship and full faerie status. Can't be
trusted with men or alcohol and is very dappy.
QUEEN OF FAERIE; The dessert-loving queen of the other realm and mother
of Cablim, Flibbage and Bicaflamimiflagimoflimimbage. Hates most men on
principal and prefers to be referred to as 'The aloof unattainable Ice-Queen'.
Grand master of the science of Generics. Drinks a lot.
;most supremely evil and destructive force in the universe, and
obsessed with killing Red, Beansprout, and anyone connected with them
including her own son. She wants to kill them on principal though, she
no longer cares about the Yak Farmer incident, plus Beansprout wrecked
Evil, but not really all that threatening, Beansprout's father is the
secret leader of the shady-yet-snappily-dressed NGSPIB (Non-Gender-Specific
Persons In Black). Has to be kept out of human form to prevent trouble,
currently an excruciatingly cute bunny rabbit.
A.K.A 'AGENT O'; No-one really knows who this Nepalese double agent/arcane
priestess is working for as ultimately she seems to serve her own best
interests at any time. Has no children (except perhaps the people in her
Flynn isn't around anymore because I realised just how sad I really am,
imaginary love interest= borderline insanity.
JONES; The most important player in the ongoing struggle between Cabbage,
Barry and Buffy for control of Faerie & Earth. She's hyper-intelligent,
cynical and has a flair for engineering. Oh, and she also has a violent
streak and a whacking great big sword (The Slayskull Blade).
OF FAERIE; A seven-foot, frizzy haired, winged faerie Princess with the
uncanny ability to think of plans and words that rhyme (an invaluable
tool to magic users). Met Beansprout after being rescued from a bottle
in a river as small containers are her one weakness (every faerie has
one, Cabbage is allergic to reality).
Beansprout's lycanthropic boyfriend, son of Buffy and Oz the werewolf.
Dislikes Buffy as much as everyone else, but keeps trying to get her to
change, a cause of many arguments. Doesn't get on particularly well with
J who he sees as some kind of rival for his place as token bloke.
J is really a spare wheel, existing only for comedy effect, tension or
to boost up the numbers. He and Flibbage make an excellent comedy duo
as sidekicks, but there is really nothing going on there. As a former
member of the NGSPIB he knows all about guns, cars and gadgets, so can
be quite useful sometimes. (Looks nothing like Will Smith
SITUATION AT PRESENT
After the latest death of Buffy the Evil Dark Elf, and the devastating
impact of an R-bomb* on Faerie (*Reality bomb, doesn't combine well with
magic and strange trees), Beansprout and co. had a run in with 'The Big
Pricks', an organization more shady and evil than the Nefarious Non-Gender-Specific-Persons-In-Black.
Catapulted through a mysterious wardrobe, which was then destroyed, they
appear to have disappeared from our universe. Although Kagome and Inu-Yasha
have been despatched by Red to find them and Cabbage is hot on their trail,
looking for someone to blame for the destruction of her precious realm,
there's still no sign of them as yet.
In a totally unrelated part of town, four characters with some unique
personality traits have been drawn together in a new storyline. Beanderella,
a princess who has discovered her nasty side, Sir William, the knight
she was destined to marry, Felicity, a cheerleader whose routines have
been having some strange effects, and Jack. E a werewolf without the normal
bloodlust. What part these four will play in the events yet to unfold
#66 "A Knights Tale"
"But I'm a cheerleader!"
"Beanderella, Warrior Princess"
or "I'm just a Teenage Werewolf, baby"
still don't understand," said Kagome as she pedalled the bike through
the city streets, "why we're looking for Beansprout. It's not as
if we like her."
As she wasn't actually talking to Inu-Yasha, and to herself as usual,
he didn't bother answering. Instead he took to sulking about the blasted
wench's sorcerous mother. The phrase ' just like the incident with the
prayer beads again' sprang to mind. Find the Shikon shards because Kaede
says so, find miss 'look at me and my equally oversized sword' because
Red says so. In the end he didn't much care whose dirty work he was doing,
as it didn't make a huge amount of difference.
"Hey! There she is- that brazen hussy
" said Kagome, sliding
the bicycle to a halt as a dark haired girl in an evening gown stalked
down the street past them. Improbably, she was wearing a plastic Disney
store Tiara with a picture of Belle on it.
"Beansprout! Beansprout- Hey!" Kagome and Inu-Yasha yelled,
jumping off the bike.She walked on oblivious.
"Are you addressing me?" said the girl snootily, staring down
her nose at them.
"Well yeah, I mean how many people called their daughters Beansprout
"That's your Highness Beanderella di Sproutania to you, plebs! -Although
it is pleasant to meet someone who recognises me."
"Well, that's one of them at least," said Kagome. "Let's
go find the others so we can go back to our actual quest of looking for
"Wait," interrupted the princess, "By others, do you mean
that idiotic fiancé of mine, you know how to find him?"
"Who, the werewolf?"
"No! Why would I marry a werewolf? My love is Sir William of The
"Something odd is going on here
" whispered Inu-Yasha theatrically
"Take me back to them! I have a serious bone to pick with that magical
"Well if you have anything they own, which I could smell...?"
"What? Oh don't tell me you're some kind of demon too!"
"The ears can give it away sometimes," said Kagome sardonically,
thinking of Inu-Yasha's tendency to jump around snarling.
"*Sigh* well I've got my wedding dress, I was wearing that when I
got here, and it's what I was wearing last time I saw them, so it might
"It's a start." Said Inu-Yasha.
And with Inu-Yasha and Kagome in tow, the Beanderella who had discovered
her own special interpretation of girl power, started back towards the
reckoned she was at least in the right universe now. After she'd retraced
her steps to Sunnydale, a tip-off from a local demon had told her that
two people fitting her descriptions of Yakky and Flibbage had been there,
but had disappeared abruptly last full moon. Using Faerie technology she'd
re-wired to search for intertextual disturbances, she'd traced their path
through to the RowlingsVerse, and after another wrong turn into a world
where trumped up hacker nerds fought A.I with impossible Kung-fu, she'd
returned and found evidence of a faery spell accompanied by more intertextual
disturbance. She'd followed it to this place, the D&D11th unspoken
edition fantasy misogynistic daydream.
Now she sat at the top of a hill, eating a rye craker with tuna, and thoughtfully
composing a location spell, when suddenly, a voice called out;
"Cabbage! Your Majesty! Can it be?"
Cabbage looked over her shoulder suspiciously- she certainly didn't recognise
the voice- and saw five figures approaching on horseback. The leading
figure, who was waving frantically, did in fact seem to be an elf. Cabbage
threw her cracker into a bush and tried to look imposing.
"Who addresses the Queen of Faerie, in a realm where she is not notoriously
feared and worshipped?" she enquired.
"It is I, Flee!-Bee Moon, once insect hunter to the imperial court
of Faerie." Said the elf as she dismounted from her horse. She was
small and slim, with shiny black hair and oriental features, she also
carried a formidable looking crossbow.
"Flee!-Bee?" said Cabbage, squinting at the scary little faery,
"But everyone thought you fell into the Chasm of Doom whilst pursuing
a particularly noisome wasp!"
"Indeed I did your Majesty, I fell all the way here!"
"There's an intertextual link down there? Dammit- I really should
have paid more attention when I made it."
Flee!-Bee turned to her companions and gestured furiously, "Get off
your mounts and bow, fools! Do you not know that this is one of the most
powerful women in all existence?" they appropriately dismounted and
bowed. "These are my adventurers," Flee!-Bee continued "please
excuse their ignorance. When I found no way to return to Faerie, I decided
to even things up a little for postmodern feminism round here, so I became
an adventuress." She pointed to a girl in a camouflage cloak, totally
negated by the hot pink dress she was wearing underneath. Across the chest
the badly spelled 'Rougue' was picked out in rhinestones. "This is
Jenenchilada. She's none too bright, but she can hack her way into anything."
"I'm a rogue!" said Jenenchilada conspiratorially, "I'm
chaotic evil! Hee-hee-hee!"
"Yes Jenen, we know." Flee!-Bee moved onto the next adventurer,
a tall thin guy who looked considerably weighed down by his heavy armour
and sword. In one hand he held a mini-coke. "This is the uh
"Hi," said Heathcliffe cheesily and winked. Cabbage sneered
Flee!-Bee pointed at an even taller thinner guy in mages robes. "And
this is the Twizard, Heathcliffe's scribe and bard."
"I don't sing, can I just clear that up right now? I don't sing,
nor will I sing at any point in the foreseeable future." Said the
Twizard, "I'm writing a legend, telling of his great deeds and idiotic
mostly the failures part actually."
" Flee!-Bee continued dismissively, "My
mage, Petrobrad the Morose."
Petrobrad merely gave Cabbage a withering look from under his hooded cloak.
"Well, lovely as all this is
" said Cabbage, slightly disturbed
by the people Phoebe had chosen as her band of heroes, "you haven't
seen that idiot daughter of mine around here somewhere? She and her imbecile
friends R-bombed the realm then got themselves catapulted into Intertextuality
"Find the princess of Faerie? Sounds like a quest to me!" said
"Shut up Heathcliffe," said Flee!-Bee, thoughtfully. "Come
to think of it, I saw a girl who looked just like her around the dread
tower a few days ago, but I decided it had to be a co-incidence because
she looked like a human, a cheerleader at that
* * *
my Love! She has totally vanished!" whined William for the millionth
totally." Felicity added glumly.
"I blame you, evil beast!" he continued, pointing at Jack. E,
who was still wearing the remnants of the ballgown as all other clothes
had mysteriously disappeared from the area. The three of them were gathered
under the window to Beanderella's room, searching for footprints. There
were of course, none, even though the ground was soft.
"It's not my fault she climbed out the window!"
"Alas!!! She's probably dead in a ditch somewhere, the poor helpless
"-least helpless damsel I ever saw- bloody climbing out of windows-"
"Silence beast, before I SLAY THEE!!!"
"Would you guys like, chill out?" said Felicity worriedly, "Like,
maybe my magic powers can find her!"
"It's a good plan, for a wench." William huffed.
"Okaaay, let me just explain something here, you don't call me wench,
and I don't KICK YOU IN THE GROIN!!!--- like totally!" Felicity grinned
menacingly and waved her pom-poms. Jack. E and William edged away. Felicity
took a deep breath, then began to dance about;
"There's no tracks upon the ground!
And Will is feeling down!
It seems she disappeared!
Which really is quite weird!
We hope she isn't dead!
She's scheduled to be wed!
So that Sir Will won't worry-
Find the Princess in a hurry!"
Felicity waved her arms around dramatically. Nothing happened.
"Awww! I like totally spent ages thinking of that one!" she
Just then, six figures on horseback appeared over the crest of a nearby
hill. Three men and two women followed a very annoyed looking winged woman
with green skin and red hair topped with a crown. Before they could speak,
this scary-looking elf woman held up a hand for silence;
"Begone O false personality,
Flibbage, Yakky, J return to thee!"
She raised a wand and pointed it at them.
"I KNEW I knew you!" Said Flibbage as her ears suddenly got
pointed and a pair of faerie wings sprouted from her shoulder blades.
* * *
Amongst the various paraphernalia in Beanderella's room was the slightly
battered wedding dress. She tore a strip of cloth from the hem and was
about to leave when a small vortex formed in the ceiling and accompanied
with the sound of thunder, something fell out and bounced onto the carpet.
The vortex disappeared and Beanderella wandered over. It appeared to be
the hilt of a broken sword, a few jagged shards of metal still stuck in
the hilt. As she picked it up, a blue sheen danced over it, and it adopted
a greenish tinge.
"THY PROPERTY SHALL RETURN TO THEE, BEANSPROUT." Boomed a celestial
"That's BeanDERELLA DI SproutANIA! When will you ethereal morons
get it right?!!" she yelled at the air, and stormed out of the room
towards where Inu-Yasha and Kagome were waiting nervously (because Tambi
was staring at them, and she is very scary).
DUM DUM DUUUM!!!
SO, THE FOUR RANDOM PEOPLE TURNED OUT TO BE OUR PROTAGONISTS WITH FALSE
DID YOU GUESS?
WELL I THINK IT WAS GETTING OBVIOUS BY THIS EPISODE, BUT THEN I THOUGHT
IT WAS OBVIOUS ALL ALONG
ANYWAY, WONDERING WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?