Episode #14 “Ra-Ra Rasputin!” –By Emily.[Lover of the Russian Queen- No not me! Rasputin…]

The assembled group of adults, children, bad guys, good guys, Faeries, humans and dead guys gasped as…

…Rabbi-Rasputin pulled off a latex mask to reveal… Barry!

“Red and I had a feeling Buffy would try something like this, so we took some precautions to make sure no one got hurt.

Beansprout’s hands began to shake. “Dad? You’re not… dead?”

“Everyone is alive Beansprout, we were a bit worried about you two for a while until we found you in the spirit realm, and I took on a disguise to see if we could use you as bait for Buffy.”

“Bait?-GAH!”

“Now put down the gun Beansprout.”

For a second or two it even looked as though she would, but then the insane look returned. “Step out of my way dad.” She said steadying her sight. Barry didn’t move.

“Get out of my way DAD!” she yelled, “SHE TRIED TO KILL ME, SHE KILLED HER OWN SON TRYING TO GET AT ME, AND SHE MADE ME THINK MY FAMILY WAS DEAD!”

“Er…Sprout?” said Yakky nervously, “Two wrongs won’t make it right, and wouldn’t you rather see her in jail...? and she is my mum, I don’t mind being dead that much…” [For fuck sake, I wouldn't mind so much if he was just quietly useless...]

“Sprout, don’t do it!- god, I’m so cheesy today,” said Flibbage taking a step forward.

“Why the hell not?” asked Sprout, “It would make my day better.”

Barry sighed. “I can’t let you. Even if she is be heartless and self absorbed and malicious and evil and murderous… well- she’s always been one of my friends and she always will be. You can’t kill her. Your mother would say the same, as would Oddball or Cabbage.” said Barry.

“Yeah, like hell… pull the trigger…” muttered Cabbage darkly.

“Don’t hurt me Beansprout,” whined Buffy, “I’m a family friend, an old friend…” she laughed nervously, and cowered behind Barry.

“Shut up! Everyone just SHUTUP!” Beansprout dropped the gun and began to sob. Barry ran over and hugged her. Buffy began to sidle backwards as if getting ready to run, until Cabbage stuck out a foot and tripped her. Then sat on her.

“Argh!” said Buffy, ”My suede jacket will be ruined!”

“Shut up!” Said Cabbage, then as an afterthought, she added. “You’re going down, Buffy. OOO I always wanted to say that!”

* * * *

Several weeks later… [now if that isn't just the cheapest cop-out of a climactic action scene I've ever seen][shut up Tim, besides we get to see the end of the scene in volume six]

Beansprout sat in front of the mirror fixing her hair for optimum spiky-ness. Flibbage was trying to squash her wings into a little purple cardigan.

“Will you hurry up?” she said, “or we’ll miss the film. The fit lads will be there! I like the fit lads!”

“Dappy Tart.” Said Yakky from the windowsill, sending Sprout into a fit of giggles.

“Where is he?” said Flibbage, waving her arms about wildly, “What did he say? Yakky I swear I’m going to get you exorcised!!!”

Beansprout and Yakky laughed.

“Right Flib, let’s go get some men!” said Sprout and walked out the door followed by Flib shaking her fist at a spot some meters to the left of Yakky’s head.

“Excuse me!” said Yakky “Do I want to look at fit men? No I don’t! Cha! Women!”

The three of them left the house and began to walk down the street. They were just passing the newsagent when Flib suddenly stopped.

“What is it, Flib?” Said Yakky, more out of habit then any expectation of an answer.

“Whassup?” Asked Sprout.

Flibbage pointed at the news board outside the shop. On it, large black letters read; ‘Notorious criminal Buffy “the vampire slayer” Summers, escapes top security prison and flees in giant spaceship.’

“Folk.” said Yakky.

“Folk” said Flibbage.

“Oh godammit Folking folk @*&%$£!” yelled Beansprout.

AND THUS AVID READERS, ENDS THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF INU-BUYAK-ASHA, A TALE OF FAIRIES, HUMANS AND MISCELLAENEOUS MAGIC RELATING TO CERTAIN VEGETABLES AND HORSE LIKE ANIMALS.