Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale

Episode #64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, the Beauty, the Beast, the Witch, the Wardrobe and Will"
-By Emily.

"Now here's a conumdrum," said Flori to Red, poking the inanimate brussel sprout with her wand, "should we bring him back to life, or leave him as a vegetable?"
"Can't I crush him beneath my regal kitten heels in a fit of righteous indignation?" wheedled Cabbage "It's his fault my realm is ruined!"
"I feel kind of bad really. I mean, he's not exactly an evil genius is he?" said Red, picking up Barry the Sprout.
*sigh* "Fine- you decide what to do with him," said Cabbage, "As long as he isn't human, he can't cause trouble."
"Can I turn him into a fwuffy bunny-wabbit?"
"That would be fitting…"
*Poof!* and for the third time Barry found himself transfigured.
"Ahaha- very funny," growled the rabbit, scowling at Red.
"AWW! Lookit the liddle cutems bunny-wabbit!!!"
"I hate my life."
Just then the Apple-mac piped up 'You've got Snail!' in a cheery voice as a small mollusc crawled out of the side.
"Ahem," quoth the snail, "Message for HRH Cabbage, Imperial ruler of the Faerie uh… cave."
"Yeees?" said Cabbage testily, looming over the cowering snail.
"FaerieNet has pinpointed the last known location of the crown princess Flibbage. There was indeed some kind of intertextual disturbance, and our researchers believe she was in fact in the BuffyVerse, although results suggest she may have left by now. Our research also found some strange patterns in her brainwaves, indicating her mind may have been tampered with."
"What are the magic levels like in this- BuffyVerse?" asked the Queen.
"Very high your majesty, although mostly demonic in nature."
"Really…" said Cabbage drumming her fingers on her cheek thoughtfully, "someone get me a Pavlova."
"Uh, why your Majesty?" asked Flori.
"Cabbage is troubled," intoned Red wisely, "She needs [dairy-free] desserts."
Cabbage stuffed the snail back into the lap-top and slowly ate her pavlova without speaking.
"Flori," she said with her mouth full.
"Yes, your Majesty?"
"I am putting you temporarily in charge. Don't take any orders from Red, especially don't take orders from Cablim, don't give Barry any sentient form until I get back. Make sure Tequila gets plenty of brandy and sugar lumps, don't let Red get her hands on the brandy or the sugar lumps.
"Where are you g-" Flori began, but was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a large red telephone box.
"I," said Cabbage melodramatically as she stepped into the Phone Box of Intertextuality, "am going in search of that frizzy-haired bimbo. Then I'm going to find out who's behind all this idiocy and MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF THEM!!!" with that the phone box disappeared.
"Oh dear…" said Flori to herself.
"About those sugarlumps…"
"You know, she didn't say you couldn't take orders from me." Piped up Barry Bunny.
"Shut up you whiny little furball," replied the Court Witch incredulously.
"I resent that!"
* * *

"You are like, totally an unchivalrous knight!" whined Felicity as she trudged beside the horse, "Why can't I ride the horse for a while?"
"Because Witch, knights are chivalrous to damsels and you are a most shamefully clad Sorceress who is liable to entrap me in her foul plots if I let down my guard!"
"In your dreams, loser!"
"Just lead me to wherever your foul minion has stolen away fair Beanderella and I may spare your wicked life!"
"I don't have a clue where Jack. E is, or why he ran off with your girlfriend, so there, Sir… whatever!"
"-William of the Hood, Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
"Pfeh!"
They walked in silence for a short while, Sir William intent only on searching the horizon for signs of his lost love, Felicity engaged in her favourite pass-time, making up cheers…
" I'm Ginger! I Tower!
I might have Magic Power!
My butt is cute! My legs are long!
With skin like mine I can't go wrong!"

"Hussy." Sir William said to no one in particular as Felicity did an impromptu cartwheel and jumped about spelling the letters of her name with pom-poms. Watching her quizzically he suddenly interrupted.
"Can it be possible, witch, that you are even more stupid than you appear?"
"Ex-scuse me?" said Felicity pausing mid-leap.
"Well what kind of fool tries to spell Felicity, F-L-I…?"
* * *

"Sigh," said Beanderella, "and Alas…"
"Will you cut that 'sigh and alas' crap? You're getting on my nerves." Jack. E replied from where he was sulking in a corner. "Would you like a biscuit? Will you stop complaining if I give you a biscuit? There's a chocolate biscuit…"
"I shall neither eat nor drink until my love returns to find me."
"Well be like that then." Scowled Jack. E "I don't know what you see in him anyway, he's such an egotistical poser."
"He is my love, and hath rescued me from the evil dragon Smorgas-Board," sighed Beanderella, staring out of the window.
"Well that's a crappy reason to get married." Jack. E replied, murderously inspecting his fingernails. "Everyone knows that relationships formed under stressful situations always fall through.
"You're obviously not from around here- er… evil one."
"Dear God!" he yelled exasperatedly and stormed out of the room, locking the door behind him. Outside he punched several dents in the wall.
Beanderella scowled to herself. The werewolf's total failure at being properly evil was getting on her nerves, and plus where exactly was her love, Sir William? It surely couldn't take that long to find her, unless something was delaying him… or someone.
"That evil witch is trying to seduce my future husband!" cried Beanderella in an outburst of unfounded logic, and began to curse in a most unladylike manner. Leaning out of the window, she looked down towards the ground below. It didn't seem so far anymore, maybe if she tied the curtains and bed sheets into a rope?
"Er- excuse me!" said a nasal voice as a nerdy-looking guy in a star-trek tee-shirt appeared from thin air "You can't just go around climbing out of windows! You're a princess!"
"And who the hell are you?" said Beanderella tersly placing her hands on her hips in an unprincessly stance.
"I am the personification of the unspoken rules of Dungeons & Dragons (11th Edition), which clearly states that as a princess, you cannot climb out of a window without assistance from a hero!"
"Go thou, and trouble someone else, spirit!" Beanderella said haughtily, "I will no longer listen to the nonsensical gabblings of your kind!" she dismissed him with a wave of her hand and advanced on the window.
"Won't you at least roll these dice? If the numbers add up to eleven or more I'll tell you where a secret key to the door is hidden."
"Begone Sprite!"
"Fine then, you leave me no other choice. Goodness knows it's bad enough with that idiot cheerleader running around loose in the countryside, and the villain being distinctly amiable- and whoever heard of a black Knight? But if you can't conduct yourself like a proper princess, I won't stand for it anymore! You'll have to go somewhere with an acceptably violent feminist ethic!"
And once again there was the ominous flushing sound of an inter-dimensional portal as Beanderella swirled out of existence.
* * *
*Doompff!* was the sound of Beanderella hitting the sidewalk. This made her uncharacteristically angry. Someone's going to pay for this, she thought, maybe that horrid little woman who tried to make me change my name, or the dice idiot. But preferably that evil sorceress… I expect they're her minions. Getting to her feet she wandered into what was presumably a shop. All the shelves were filled with flat boxes with pictures and writing on the front. The writing was illegible but vaguely familiar to Beanderella. Confused she walked over to the overweight shopkeeper.
"Excuse me, good sir," she began "I am the Princess Beanderella di Sproutania (you may have heard of me) and I seem to be somewhat lost. Could you tell me which province we are in?"
the shopkeeper replied, eyes firmly fixed on her décolletage [that's cleavage to the rest of you]"Are you a playboy model? I used to date a-" he trailed off as her noticed her stormy expression.
"HOW DARE YOU STARE AT ME LIKE THAT THOU LOWLY CUR!!!" she raged and punched him frighteningly hard in the nose.
[ooh guess where she is… no wait none of you will actually know except Alice, dammit, why won't you read Strangers in Paradise?]


"You know," said Cabbage, looking down her nose at the Slayer, "I know another Buffy, but she's much better dressed. And she's made more comebacks…"
"Less chat, more slayage!" Growled Sarah Michelle and pounced, stake in hand. Cabbage sidestepped.
"That's the problem with choreographed fights you know, they really don't work when the other person doesn't follow the routine," Cabbage continued conversationally, "And really, you know, not all extra-planar creatures are evil, I was just passing through this graveyard. I'm looking for my daughter actually, she looks rather like me?"
"Pointy ears? Green skin? That says demon to me!" The Slayer replied, casting a smouldering look at the camera, and did a nifty backflip.
"Also- see my cute little wings?" said Cabbage, shrinking to half her size to avoid the blow.
"Didn't anyone tell you to stay away from the Hellmouth?" said the oblivious Slayer.
"Obviously not. You bore me mortal," answered the Queen and turned her into a steak [yes, not a stake, how witty].
"Don't worry, it'll wear off in half an hour or so." Cabbage sneered, "In the meanwhile- LEARN SOME GODDAMN RESPECT FOR ROYALTY!!!"
* * *

TRA LA LA AND THERE I WILL END
BLAH BLAH WHAT WILL BLAH DE BLAH NEXT?
MYEH MYEH MYEH SOON IN INUBUYAKASHA

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."