Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale

Episode #65 "It's a good li(f)e"
By Ally

[For those of you not in the know, Strangers in Paradise is the worlds greatest Graphic Novel. The scary all-female mafia run the world from behind the scenes. Despite sounding very scary, it's actually a fantastic book, and it is written by a man so it's not man-bashing either.]


Meanwhile, Red the Infernally Dappy (who was bored of being ineffectual), decided to tryout her pre-exam faery magic, and to do something to help the intrepid but sadly missing quartet at the same time.
"Flori, can I borrow your wand?" [Red would only get a wand of her own when she had passed her CFC's because her last one had been confiscated after the unfortunate conclusion to an argument with Fliain.]
"But Cabbage told me not to take any orders from you…"
"Ah, but I didn't order you, I asked politely." Said Red using her secret author power of twisting words to control Flori's over-stressed mind.
"Oh go on then. You're not going to conjure alcohol with it are you?"
"No, I most certainly am not," Red said mysteriously, and wandered off into the catacombs [I'm not quite sure how the 'dank cave' got so big, must be faerie magic] to find a cavern with a flat enough floor to perform a summoning ritual.
* * *

Beanderella was miserable. The pudgy varlet [heehee] had called some rude men in a very strange chariot, and, without really knowing why, or how, she had ploughed through them like a costumed windmill, sending them all flying, and run away to a posher part of town. Now she was wandering the streets with people staring at her like she was a freak, and she was starting to feel (inexplicably) very stupid and colloquial.
"Stupid dress, stupid place, stupid Will not coming to rescue me- hang on-" Beanderella stopped dead. "I don't want him to rescue me any more! I don't' want any more MEN folking up my LIFE!"
"Excellent," said someone. Beanderella looked up and saw an overweight, well dressed woman leaning over a balcony. "Exactly the type of talk I like to hear. Tell me, my dear, how would you like a job?"
"Do I get free pizza?"
"No, you get a free tattoo on your ankle-"
"Nah, not my style…"
"-And the chance to wreak terrible revenge on anyone who remotely annoys you."
"Oh," Beanderella brightened [although not mentally, as some of the princess stupidity was still lingering around her head]"That sounds good."
The woman pointed to a posh door at the street level and Beanderella wandered into the hotel.
* * *
"Princess? I know you said you weren't hungry, but I was making boiled eggs so…" Jack. E said carrying a tray into the tower room. "Oh. Never mind," he added when he saw the room was empty.
"No!" said the personification of the unspoken rules. "You're meant to storm and rage! Not make her dinner then quietly accept it! If you're going to be so damn pathetic-"
* * *

A week later…
A knight and his vaguely slutty mage sidekick sighted a dread tower in the distance.
"Ha!" said Sir Will, "Now I shall rescue my love!"
"Like, verily!" said Felicity, who had almost succumbed to the generics of the locality, and had even found a cloak to wear over her cheerleader outfit.
So they stormed the tower, so find a huge wolf-like thing in the courtyard which Felicity paralysed with her arcane words-
"You're drooling! You're hairy!
But really not that scary!"

-and Sir Will decapitated.
"Dude! Don't do that! It could have been Jack. E!" Felicity reprimanded him as Sir Will continued storming towards the tower.
They ran up the stairs to the highest room. "My Love!" Cried Sir Will, kicking down the door, and stopping dead.
"Don't say a word," Jack. E growled, from the confines of his chains and voluminous ballgown.

Cabbage studied her map and the immediate surroundings. "Skyscrapers, vampires, higher beings, urban sprawl… dammit! I've strayed into a spinoff! I knew I should have taken that third left…"

* * *

"Wow," Beanderella said uncomfortably, "I didn't know you could do that with cling film."
"Oh, you can garrotte people with pretty much anything if you put your mind to it," said the macho blonde woman cheerfully.
"Ah…" Beanderella answered. "I still don't understand these tattoos."
"Well the one on the left… the flower, that's our trade mark…"
"And the one on the right?"
"Job description."
"I'm a duck?"
"…yeah. Now let me see how you're getting on with your 'scary nose-pulling death throw of doom'," Tambi said, herding another cowering man out of the equipment cupboard.

* * *
"So anyway," Red said " if you can find them I'll give you-"
"Shikon Shards?" asked Inu-Yasha hopefully.
"No… dog biscuits."
"DOG BISCUITS!!! How dare you insult me, wench!"
"They're tastier than Shikon Shards, and they'll give you a glossy coat."
"I DON'T WANT A GLOSSY COAT!!!"
Red folded her arms. "Fine. You leave me no choice. Here are some items of clothing belonging to each of the four protagonists. You will track them down- and I know you can, Cabbage told me you can smell Kagome's blood six centuries away- or I'll introduce you to the other being I summoned.
"Feh, bring on you demons, witch, I'm more than a match for them!"
"Ah, but he's not a demon," said Red maliciously, "he's a vet."
"Yelp!"
"Off you go."
"I'm going."
"Good," Red said and handed him a small device she had summoned from the satanic mills, The-Mobile-Phone-Of-Intertextuality-For-The-Simple-Minded. As a concession to her dappiness, on her way out, she tripped over a candle of summoning and set fire to the hem of her skirt.
WILL OUR READERS UNDERSTAND THIS EPISODE AT ALL?
WILL WE HAVE ANY LEFT BY NEXT WEEK?
WHERE ARE OUR PROTAGONISTS?
EPISODE #66 (OOH ALMOST SATANIC), COMING SOON

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."