Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale

[as we started a new notebook here, we did a nice re-cap and character bios in the front for ourselves so it would look pretty. I have added this for comedy value and for those who can never remember who's who and what's going on. Plus also, as this is the part of the story where many of the 'real' people start actually affecting the plot rather than just existing.]

THE PREMISE; A long time ago (the nineties in fact), Red-the-easily-distracted befriended the newly crowned Queen of Faerie, Cabbage. Together they plotted to make Buffy, Red's rival in love, fall for a Yak Farmer so that Red could get near Barry, who she had a crush on. Later, a terrible magical accident caused Cabbage to fall in love with an elf called Flynn, who had Donkey ears. Thus it came to pass that presently, three very odd children were born to these ill-fated couples, and it must have been destiny that one day their paths would cross…

RED; A professional authoress of immense intellect, razor wit, massive determination and- loose morals. Mother of Beansprout, she is currently an asylum seeker in Faerie and applying for citizenship and full faerie status. Can't be trusted with men or alcohol and is very dappy.

CABBAGE QUEEN OF FAERIE; The dessert-loving queen of the other realm and mother of Cablim, Flibbage and Bicaflamimiflagimoflimimbage. Hates most men on principal and prefers to be referred to as 'The aloof unattainable Ice-Queen'. Grand master of the science of Generics. Drinks a lot.

BUFFY THE…;most supremely evil and destructive force in the universe, and obsessed with killing Red, Beansprout, and anyone connected with them including her own son. She wants to kill them on principal though, she no longer cares about the Yak Farmer incident, plus Beansprout wrecked her shoes.

BARRY; Evil, but not really all that threatening, Beansprout's father is the secret leader of the shady-yet-snappily-dressed NGSPIB (Non-Gender-Specific Persons In Black). Has to be kept out of human form to prevent trouble, currently an excruciatingly cute bunny rabbit.

ODDBALL A.K.A 'AGENT O'; No-one really knows who this Nepalese double agent/arcane priestess is working for as ultimately she seems to serve her own best interests at any time. Has no children (except perhaps the people in her head)

FLYNN… Flynn isn't around anymore because I realised just how sad I really am, imaginary love interest= borderline insanity.

BEANSPROUT JONES; The most important player in the ongoing struggle between Cabbage, Barry and Buffy for control of Faerie & Earth. She's hyper-intelligent, cynical and has a flair for engineering. Oh, and she also has a violent streak and a whacking great big sword (The Slayskull Blade).

FLIBBAGE OF FAERIE; A seven-foot, frizzy haired, winged faerie Princess with the uncanny ability to think of plans and words that rhyme (an invaluable tool to magic users). Met Beansprout after being rescued from a bottle in a river as small containers are her one weakness (every faerie has one, Cabbage is allergic to reality).

YAKKY; Beansprout's lycanthropic boyfriend, son of Buffy and Oz the werewolf. Dislikes Buffy as much as everyone else, but keeps trying to get her to change, a cause of many arguments. Doesn't get on particularly well with J who he sees as some kind of rival for his place as token bloke.

J; J is really a spare wheel, existing only for comedy effect, tension or to boost up the numbers. He and Flibbage make an excellent comedy duo as sidekicks, but there is really nothing going on there. As a former member of the NGSPIB he knows all about guns, cars and gadgets, so can be quite useful sometimes. (Looks nothing like Will Smith… of course)

THE SITUATION AT PRESENT…
After the latest death of Buffy the Evil Dark Elf, and the devastating impact of an R-bomb* on Faerie (*Reality bomb, doesn't combine well with magic and strange trees), Beansprout and co. had a run in with 'The Big Pricks', an organization more shady and evil than the Nefarious Non-Gender-Specific-Persons-In-Black. Catapulted through a mysterious wardrobe, which was then destroyed, they appear to have disappeared from our universe. Although Kagome and Inu-Yasha have been despatched by Red to find them and Cabbage is hot on their trail, looking for someone to blame for the destruction of her precious realm, there's still no sign of them as yet.
In a totally unrelated part of town, four characters with some unique personality traits have been drawn together in a new storyline. Beanderella, a princess who has discovered her nasty side, Sir William, the knight she was destined to marry, Felicity, a cheerleader whose routines have been having some strange effects, and Jack. E a werewolf without the normal bloodlust. What part these four will play in the events yet to unfold… who knows?

Episode #66 "A Knights Tale"
"But I'm a cheerleader!"
"Beanderella, Warrior Princess"
or "I'm just a Teenage Werewolf, baby"

"I still don't understand," said Kagome as she pedalled the bike through the city streets, "why we're looking for Beansprout. It's not as if we like her."
As she wasn't actually talking to Inu-Yasha, and to herself as usual, he didn't bother answering. Instead he took to sulking about the blasted wench's sorcerous mother. The phrase ' just like the incident with the prayer beads again' sprang to mind. Find the Shikon shards because Kaede says so, find miss 'look at me and my equally oversized sword' because Red says so. In the end he didn't much care whose dirty work he was doing, as it didn't make a huge amount of difference.
"Hey! There she is- that brazen hussy…" said Kagome, sliding the bicycle to a halt as a dark haired girl in an evening gown stalked down the street past them. Improbably, she was wearing a plastic Disney store Tiara with a picture of Belle on it.
"Beansprout! Beansprout- Hey!" Kagome and Inu-Yasha yelled, jumping off the bike.She walked on oblivious.
"Beansprout!!!"
"Are you addressing me?" said the girl snootily, staring down her nose at them.
"Well yeah, I mean how many people called their daughters Beansprout…"
"That's your Highness Beanderella di Sproutania to you, plebs! -Although it is pleasant to meet someone who recognises me."
"Riiight…"
"Well, that's one of them at least," said Kagome. "Let's go find the others so we can go back to our actual quest of looking for Shikon shards."
"Wait," interrupted the princess, "By others, do you mean that idiotic fiancé of mine, you know how to find him?"
"Who, the werewolf?"
"No! Why would I marry a werewolf? My love is Sir William of The Hood!"
"Something odd is going on here…" whispered Inu-Yasha theatrically to Kagome.
"Take me back to them! I have a serious bone to pick with that magical hussy!"
"Well if you have anything they own, which I could smell...?"
"What? Oh don't tell me you're some kind of demon too!"
"The ears can give it away sometimes," said Kagome sardonically, thinking of Inu-Yasha's tendency to jump around snarling.
"*Sigh* well I've got my wedding dress, I was wearing that when I got here, and it's what I was wearing last time I saw them, so it might do."
"It's a start." Said Inu-Yasha.
And with Inu-Yasha and Kagome in tow, the Beanderella who had discovered her own special interpretation of girl power, started back towards the mansion.

Cabbage reckoned she was at least in the right universe now. After she'd retraced her steps to Sunnydale, a tip-off from a local demon had told her that two people fitting her descriptions of Yakky and Flibbage had been there, but had disappeared abruptly last full moon. Using Faerie technology she'd re-wired to search for intertextual disturbances, she'd traced their path through to the RowlingsVerse, and after another wrong turn into a world where trumped up hacker nerds fought A.I with impossible Kung-fu, she'd returned and found evidence of a faery spell accompanied by more intertextual disturbance. She'd followed it to this place, the D&D11th unspoken edition fantasy misogynistic daydream.
Now she sat at the top of a hill, eating a rye craker with tuna, and thoughtfully composing a location spell, when suddenly, a voice called out;
"Cabbage! Your Majesty! Can it be?"
Cabbage looked over her shoulder suspiciously- she certainly didn't recognise the voice- and saw five figures approaching on horseback. The leading figure, who was waving frantically, did in fact seem to be an elf. Cabbage threw her cracker into a bush and tried to look imposing.
"Who addresses the Queen of Faerie, in a realm where she is not notoriously feared and worshipped?" she enquired.
"It is I, Flee!-Bee Moon, once insect hunter to the imperial court of Faerie." Said the elf as she dismounted from her horse. She was small and slim, with shiny black hair and oriental features, she also carried a formidable looking crossbow.
"Flee!-Bee?" said Cabbage, squinting at the scary little faery, "But everyone thought you fell into the Chasm of Doom whilst pursuing a particularly noisome wasp!"
"Indeed I did your Majesty, I fell all the way here!"
"There's an intertextual link down there? Dammit- I really should have paid more attention when I made it."
Flee!-Bee turned to her companions and gestured furiously, "Get off your mounts and bow, fools! Do you not know that this is one of the most powerful women in all existence?" they appropriately dismounted and bowed. "These are my adventurers," Flee!-Bee continued "please excuse their ignorance. When I found no way to return to Faerie, I decided to even things up a little for postmodern feminism round here, so I became an adventuress." She pointed to a girl in a camouflage cloak, totally negated by the hot pink dress she was wearing underneath. Across the chest the badly spelled 'Rougue' was picked out in rhinestones. "This is Jenenchilada. She's none too bright, but she can hack her way into anything."
"I'm a rogue!" said Jenenchilada conspiratorially, "I'm chaotic evil! Hee-hee-hee!"
"Yes Jenen, we know." Flee!-Bee moved onto the next adventurer, a tall thin guy who looked considerably weighed down by his heavy armour and sword. In one hand he held a mini-coke. "This is the uh… brave… warrior Heathcliffe.
"Hi," said Heathcliffe cheesily and winked. Cabbage sneered at him.
Flee!-Bee pointed at an even taller thinner guy in mages robes. "And this is the Twizard, Heathcliffe's scribe and bard."
"I don't sing, can I just clear that up right now? I don't sing, nor will I sing at any point in the foreseeable future." Said the Twizard, "I'm writing a legend, telling of his great deeds and idiotic failures… mostly the failures part actually."
"and lastly…" Flee!-Bee continued dismissively, "My mage, Petrobrad the Morose."
Petrobrad merely gave Cabbage a withering look from under his hooded cloak.
"Well, lovely as all this is…" said Cabbage, slightly disturbed by the people Phoebe had chosen as her band of heroes, "you haven't seen that idiot daughter of mine around here somewhere? She and her imbecile friends R-bombed the realm then got themselves catapulted into Intertextuality somehow."
"Find the princess of Faerie? Sounds like a quest to me!" said Heathcliffe.
"Shut up Heathcliffe," said Flee!-Bee, thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, I saw a girl who looked just like her around the dread tower a few days ago, but I decided it had to be a co-incidence because she looked like a human, a cheerleader at that…"
"A what?!!"
* * *

"Alas my Love! She has totally vanished!" whined William for the millionth time.
"Like… totally." Felicity added glumly.
"I blame you, evil beast!" he continued, pointing at Jack. E, who was still wearing the remnants of the ballgown as all other clothes had mysteriously disappeared from the area. The three of them were gathered under the window to Beanderella's room, searching for footprints. There were of course, none, even though the ground was soft.
"It's not my fault she climbed out the window!"
"Alas!!! She's probably dead in a ditch somewhere, the poor helpless damsel!"
"-least helpless damsel I ever saw- bloody climbing out of windows-"
"Silence beast, before I SLAY THEE!!!"
"Would you guys like, chill out?" said Felicity worriedly, "Like, maybe my magic powers can find her!"
"It's a good plan, for a wench." William huffed.
"Okaaay, let me just explain something here, you don't call me wench, and I don't KICK YOU IN THE GROIN!!!--- like totally!" Felicity grinned menacingly and waved her pom-poms. Jack. E and William edged away. Felicity took a deep breath, then began to dance about;
"There's no tracks upon the ground!
And Will is feeling down!
It seems she disappeared!
Which really is quite weird!
We hope she isn't dead!
She's scheduled to be wed!
So that Sir Will won't worry-
Find the Princess in a hurry!"

Felicity waved her arms around dramatically. Nothing happened.
"Awww! I like totally spent ages thinking of that one!" she whined.
Just then, six figures on horseback appeared over the crest of a nearby hill. Three men and two women followed a very annoyed looking winged woman with green skin and red hair topped with a crown. Before they could speak, this scary-looking elf woman held up a hand for silence;
"Begone O false personality,
Flibbage, Yakky, J return to thee!"

She raised a wand and pointed it at them.
*shazaam*
"I KNEW I knew you!" Said Flibbage as her ears suddenly got pointed and a pair of faerie wings sprouted from her shoulder blades.
* * *
Amongst the various paraphernalia in Beanderella's room was the slightly battered wedding dress. She tore a strip of cloth from the hem and was about to leave when a small vortex formed in the ceiling and accompanied with the sound of thunder, something fell out and bounced onto the carpet. The vortex disappeared and Beanderella wandered over. It appeared to be the hilt of a broken sword, a few jagged shards of metal still stuck in the hilt. As she picked it up, a blue sheen danced over it, and it adopted a greenish tinge.
"THY PROPERTY SHALL RETURN TO THEE, BEANSPROUT." Boomed a celestial voice.
"That's BeanDERELLA DI SproutANIA! When will you ethereal morons get it right?!!" she yelled at the air, and stormed out of the room towards where Inu-Yasha and Kagome were waiting nervously (because Tambi was staring at them, and she is very scary).
DUM DUM DUUUM!!!
SO, THE FOUR RANDOM PEOPLE TURNED OUT TO BE OUR PROTAGONISTS WITH FALSE MEMORIES!
DID YOU GUESS?
WELL I THINK IT WAS GETTING OBVIOUS BY THIS EPISODE, BUT THEN I THOUGHT IT WAS OBVIOUS ALL ALONG…
ANYWAY, WONDERING WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?


Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."