#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."By Ally
[you found a use for some of the endless bit
parts! That's very tidy of you]
In the Faerie council cavern [when are they going
to sort the Realm out?][-making a new one remember,
it's just full of psycho at the mo.] the important characters
once again sat and discussed their options.
"What worries me," said J, feeling important because he was
being listened to "is that we'll never find a way to separate Beansprout's
good and evil sides."
"Oh I'm glad you raised that point J, because it hadn't occurred
to anyone else." Flibbage snapped. J looked deflated [not
literally][weird image indeed],
Cabbage toyed with a ball of string.
"Anyone else got any ideas? Flathryn?" Flib continued.
Flathryn shook her head.
"I do!" said Red.
Mother don't giggle like that! Okay Red, what is
"Well you said it was Sprout being a Half-Nymph, that was really
Folking her up? With the constant struggle between good and evil and all
"Its simple then. Do some magic. Make her one thing or the other."
"Oh, yeah, simple." Muttered Bica scathingly (she hadn't done
well on her ASS Levels).
"Actually, that could work
" mused Flibbage.
"But we haven't got anything like the quantities of magic we'd need,
thanks to the realification of the realm."
I know where we can get magic," said Cabbage,
looking up from her tangled pile of wool. "Fleckini! You're Jenenchilada's
good half. How are you at theft?"
* * *
"Yes *snort* your majesty?"
Beansprout went silent, in that very pointed irritating way.
I didn't mean it. Stop it."
"Anyway, how did you know your dad is a circus elf far enough in
advance to hide a knife but sound surprised about it when we kidnapped
"I was acting, moron. So was D'Arcie. The first thing you learn about
being a Darker girl is how to look stupid. That and the nose grab thing."
Beansprout pulled a lipstick out of her ear (sleight of hand), and began
to touch up her makeup.
"How does D'Arcie know?"
"Oddball told her."
"How did Oddball know?"
"Red told her."
"With all due respect to Red, how does she even know?"
Beansprout glared icily at him and turned her back. This wasn't because
she was offended, but so, without him seeing, she could draw runes on
the floor with the lipstick.
* * *
The cast of Inu Yasha stood in the bloody mess (as in mess of blood, not
my room, or yours for that matter). All were rather amazed.
"Well that's that then," said Kagome.
"Who'd have thought that would kill Naraku?"
"Who'd have thought?"
"And the Shikon-no-Tama is complete again." [I
can't decide who's talking, nor do I really care][Ah,
feel the love she puts into the episode]
"Is it me, or is this just a really disappointing anti-climax?"
"It's not just you."
"Oh well," said Kagome, with forced cheerfulness, "We can
still decide whether Inu-Yasha going to turn human or demon."
"What do you mean 'we', wench!?"
(Silence, or in this world 'Hyooooooo')
"Shall we toss a coin?"
At which point Fleckini appeared, grabbed the Shikon-no-Tama with a triumphant
cry of 'Yoink!', and disappeared again.
"Bugger," said Inu-Yasha. [Which in
some twisted way reminds me of The magic Roundabout][twisted
is right][You know, this is so how Inu-Yasha will
end][Maybe they'll all die. No wait, Yasha has already told me
the ending and ruined it all]
* * *
Meanwhile in Pocket-world, [what a cool name,
"Oh Crap!" shouted Yakky, as the floor of Beansprout's cage
dissolved into a second-rate, amateurishly fuzzy portal, which no elf
would be proud of, and she jumped through, with a triumphant cackle, leaving
nothing but the lipstick Runes behind.
Seconds later Flib appeared, waving the Shikon-no-Tama.
"Great news Yakky! We can use this to turn Beansprout human, then
you and me can get divorced!"
"Well hopefully that will cancel out the bad news
Flibbage noticed the empty cage. "AAARGH! I can't leave you alone
"She tricked me! Again
"Well, I guess you can't be held responsible, she is the protagonist
in a bitter man-hating storyline."
*Sigh* "Nothing," Flib went over to inspect the Runes, "Now
what sort of charm did they find that could out do my spel- oh no."
"Who could have taught her something like that?? Only high elves
know about how to
Oh, this isn't going to be pretty."
* * *
"The magical Adepts of the Realm (and Yakky and J) were soon gathered
round the magic circle.
"From Outside of you it Devours?" Flathryn read, puzzled.
"Hmph," said Cabbage prodding a rune with one paw, "for
a Word Imp, you are woefully misinformed in Ancient Thespian Runes. That
sign also means "Creates" or "Tickles"".
"From outside of you it tickles???"
"Try 'creates'." Said Flibbage crossly. "It's the 'outside'
bit we need to worry about."
Yakky and J glanced at each other in mutual confusion.
Flibbage sighed. "Okay, I'll explain it to you. But it goes no further
than this room. We're getting into the central belief system of Faerie
here, stuff mortals aren't supposed to know so that we can appear mysterious
and aloof. Its more of a myth really. Faerie science, all the Seven Fey
Concepts, Mise-en-Scene, Ideology, Generics, Representation, Audience,
Institution and Narrative -well they all depend on there being someone
making those rules, someone outside the story."
"Oh, like the time we met those girls in that world when-"
"No, they were a Representation, part of the Inside. This is all
theory, Faerie philosophy, but they say that everything on the Inside
reflects events Outside, so there's something, or things, outside, writing
down the plot of everything."
"Funny, Faeries never struck me as religious." Said J.
"This isn't a religion J! Its science, and its how the world really
works!" Yelled Flibbage, "You believe in atoms, even though
you can't see them, don't you!? Beansprout's spell proves it! She's gone
Outside, and I have no idea how to follow her!"
"Hey," said Yakky, maybe she did it so she can re-make everything
in favour of the Big-"
"Oh, you think!??" Flibbage shrieked.
"Calm down Stupid!" Yelled Cabbage, and swatted her round the
"I need a Pavlova
" Flibbage mumbled.
"So what is outside?" asked J.
"Well," said Cabbage, "No one has ever dared go before,
but some believe in the Muses, and others in the Fates, some believe its
just a big formless energy. Personally I think its an art shop."
"Shut up Mother."
Cabbage hissed at Flibbage and stalked away.
"How can we get her back?" Yakky.asked.
Flibbage sat down next to the runes with her head in her hands. "If
I knew that Yakky, I'd do it."
* * *
[And that's what happens when you write a clever
theory. I dig big pit and stand in it, admiring the view. I have no idea
why I wrote that.][Oh I know where
I'm going with this