while I'm waiting here for inspiration, I'll you with my Escaflowne marathon-inspired
~Escaflowne is Mecha and Shoujo, its Mojo!
as Mindy would see it
Van: I want you Hitomi!... Not in a sexual way, you understand
enough of that. Dear dear me, the thoughts in my twisted head. Luckily,
you've been spared an Escaflowne inspired episode- instead we have one
where only you will recognize the thievery ][Don't let her fool you IBYKS fans
it's David's Story from Strangers in Paradise
which every self respecting
comic book fan should read][when you've got to a good bit of the
story where things are tense, the drama is building, and everyone would
kill to know what happens next, what does every self-respecting author
of a long-running yet obscure series do?
Damn straight! They write an episode exploring the heart-rending past
of a beloved, central but not completely essential character!][David
he's the eye candy, he's essential for my reading fun][Introducing
#77 "J's Story" or "Not another Teen Sci-Fi Horror Filler
episode" or "Enemy of the Men in Wild Wild Black on Independence
Editors note; Ally's brain-stupefying, English Coursework inspired inconsistencies
are henceforth being left in for plot reasons, they will be marked as
such. Feel free to mock her]
the rapidly emptying pocket world, which was beginning to look distinctly
fuzzy around the edges now its primary function (prison for latent psychotics)
had ended, Yakky and J hung around doing bugger all (after all this is
a post-feminist heroine driven series). That was how it looked, but as
they had developed from 1 dimensional token male characters somewhere
along their journey (only a little though), they were in fact thinking.
With their brains no less![
Yakky was wallowing in angst-stricken misery:
"Why does Beansprout have to be unstable? Is it my fault? It's my
fault, isn't it? Interspecies relationships mess people up, just look
at my mum
Oh God! Is Beansprout like my Mum!? That's so wrong, so
[I want cake and all I have is
dammit. Okay, now I have a mars bar, but it just isn't cake
does lactose mock me?]
-Whilst J was deep in an introspective journey into his past. Well, it
takes all sorts.
"Beansprout must have spent her whole life feeling like she didn't
belong," J thought, blissfully aware of his own cheesiness. "if
only she'd said something, I know exactly how she feels
* * *
James Robert Dean-West was a troubled young man. This was nothing to do
with his childhood, which was very stable and loving (he was brought up
by nuns in a remote convent, and his young life was much like the Sound
of Music without Nazis) and everything to do with the alien that was sitting
on the bonnet of his car. Screaming in terror, James reversed along the
road very fast, trying to shake it off. Sadly, it was very much like an
octopus and had stuck itself to the metal. It was also laughing manically,
which did nothing for James's peace of mind. Being somewhat preoccupied
by this, James didn't notice the scream and bump until the alien stopped
laughing, jumped off the car and began feeding on the corps of the innocent
bystander James had just run down.
"OH CRAP!" James shouted, braked, then drove away very fast.
As he sped through the streets of Philadelphia, James knocked over an
ice-cream seller ("CRAP!") and a lollipop lady ("CRAP!!!"),
but, against all logic wasn't chased by a police car until he was heading
out of town. Deciding they'd catch him sooner or later, he pulled over
and wound down the window [okay cake > mars
"Do you realize how fast you were driving, kid?" the police
"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO- what?"
"You were speeding son, it's amazing you didn't hit anyone."
Before this very poor example of a police officer could suss that James
looked very guilty about something, a jet black car pulled up, and a man
in a black suit stepped out.
"I'll take care of this," he said, showing a warrant to the
policeman, who shrugged and waddled back to his car.
"You're the homicide expert, aren't you?" James whined
"No," said the man, who looked vaguely familiar. "I'm investigating
the case of an alien sighting. And several hit and run incidents."
"James Robert Dean-West, right?"
Yeah. Hey, aren't you Tommy Lee Jones?"
"No! My name is Agent K, and I have no connection with the film industry."
Agent K took something that looked like a pen out of his pocket. "Now
I want you to look very carefully into this little red dot here
"What does it do?" James asked
"Nothing." Said K, and punched him out.
* * *
James woke up in a small minimalist room, in front of a desk. K and another
man were staring at him eerily.
"Ahh, you're awake," said K.
"Yeah." Said J, rubbing his nose.
"This is agent P, my associate."
"Please to meet you, James."
"Well what is it you so kindly punched me out to tell me?" James
"Allow me to explain," said K, leaning back in his chair. "we
are a Secret Government Organization, whose existence is unknown. We have
no contact with society, no identity and no purpose."
"We have a purpose!" interrupted P.
"Oh yes. Our purpose is to defend Earth from alien forces whilst
simultaneously finding other planets and stripping them of any valuable
resources. We are the MAWMIB.
"The Middle Aged White Men In Black."
are you sure you've got the right person?" James pointed
"Well that's where you're wrong, we're under new management, and
there's this damn equal opportunities clause in the contract
might even have to change our name. Anyway, we're looking for new agents,
and your clarity of mind and ruthlessness Impressed our talent scout."
"So that was just a test? No one's really dead?" James exclaimed.
"Oh no, they're deader than dead. The Octopussy said you seemed to
instinctively know to distract it with injured prey. It also commented
that the second two were a really inspired touch, really slowed it down."
"I'm a murderer!" wailed James.
"Yes, yes, but don't get cocky," Psaid. "You still have
a lot to learn."
* * *
Within six months, James Robert Dean-West had become J, ruthless agent
and poster boy [On their secret confidential
posters] of the newly renamed NGSPIB. He was also mentally
unstable and had a penchant for killing witnesses (he'd never liked the
deneuraliser after the incident with K), until one day
"J, we have a mission for you," said K, striding into his office
"Sorry, I mean, would you please help me with this mission?"
"Yeah okay," said J, playing the knife game [the
one where you try not to stab your own fingers and usually fail
it has a name
"Thank you," gushed K, and dumped a huge stack of files on the
desk. "For this task, you'll need to learn some of the deepest darkest
secrets of the NGSPIB, and some info on many other clandestine operations
across the galaxy, The Slayskull Corporation, the Moonies, the Big Pricks
"Gimme," said J, grabbing for the files.
"But HQ says before you can read these, you have to go on a course
of intensive therapy," K added and ducked.
J contemplated shooting him, but knowing the NGSPIB, the files would self-destruct
before he could read them.
Great! Thought K. At last I can have the callow subordinate I deserve.
* * *
"That's it! J exclaimed.
"Yeah what?" said Flibbage, dragging herself out of the runic
"We can give Beansprout intensive therapy!"
"J," said Flibbage, curling her lip, "Shut up. I have a
[There you go. I wrote it and now I don't like
it much, but what the hell. Can I put in a request for us not to start
series eight until I've handed in my history coursework? *Puppy dog eyes*]
[Yes we can do that, now why don't you put your
'puppy dog eyes' to good use, ie:
Is the Pocket world disintegrating? NO! I quote
"The faeries had cut their losses on Dank Cave and had all moved
HQ to Pocket World, which seemed now to be expanding on its own with a
distinctly Flibbagey style. Something like the Immateria from Promethea
but with lots of art Nouveau, and green stuff. Eventually it would grow
into a whole new Realm. The circle of runes was still scrawled on the
floor somewhere in the middle, where a new palace was slowly growing out
of the ground."
I only wrote it two episodes ago!!! Come on!!!
(Following this was a large picture of Alice busily reading her Blake
book and Emily sneaking up behind her with a crazed expression and a large