Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale
Episode #82: 'Artificial_life_sucks.com'
By Emily

[Wanna know your own inconsistency for this week? The plural of octopus is octopi - ha! Outsmarted again, eh?][Hmm…one day we will need to go through the definitions of 'inconsistency' and 'mistake'… ^_^][Perhaps we could also discuss the diference between 'knowledgable student' and 'Blake Fangirl']

* * *

"You know whats weird?- I don't feel so mad any more. I've lost the urge to kill people," Beansprout said, staring upwards.
"Falling to certain death can have that effect on a person, I'm sure," WILL replied.
"I've ruined everything. My family, my friends -all terrified of me. I'll never be able to see them again, and I don't even know why I did it - I just couldn't control anything." [Like the Incredible Hulk?]
"I think you underestimate them. I-" WILL paused as if listening to something Beansprout couldn't hear.
"I have to leave now, they've realised who I am," he said, and abruptly disappeared. Beansprout stared confusedly into the darkness.
"Underestimate them?" she whispered to herself, sitting up carefully. She took a charred stickfrom the fire. "I took them for granted, I hurt them, and now he says I underestimate them…" Still, she thought as she sketchily drew runes on the floor. It's not as if I have anywhere else to go…

* * *

Yakky had excused himself after Flibbage had brought out her Apple™[gosh didn't you know that Microsoft's only competitor was developed by faeries? Thats why its pretty] laptop and it had been discovered that Faerynet and the Internet [or, as my wonderful customers call it, the Interweb…] were in a similar state of disarray. She had then launched into some tirade about how difficult it was to get magic digitised, and Dee had made some comment, and another icy word duel had begun.
He made his way outside to the palace grounds and found a soap tree - with a handy branch to sit on, obviously. Some things never changed.
Six months of his life had gone in snatches of dreams and blank spaces, he thought as he sat in the tree. For a moment when he'd woken up and saw Dee making some bloody noise with a whistle he thought he'd dreamed everything. Everything from the moment he'd walked out on the three of them in Buffy Towers. Somehow that would have been less painful.
But then Dee had directed him back to the throne room and he'd seen just how much had changed in his absence. J and Flibbage weren't sidekicks any more, they were in positions of responsibility - you could see it in their faces. (Debatable in J's case) He guessed they didn't have anyone to be a sidekick to any more. Neither did he.
Maybe he shouldn't stay here any longer. Being in Faerie reminded him of Sprout, and that just made life so much worse. Maybe his part in this story, if that's what it was, was over. Maybe he should go with Dee, learn how to be a werewolf seeing as the whole humanity thing hadn't worked...[Yakky really, really needs Sprout, mainly to give him a kick up the arse every time he starts getting like this.]
His morose train of thought was interrupted by a strange flickering circle that had appeared in the middle of the lawn. Leaves and pieces of debris around it were caught and flung into the air in little spirals.
Just a spell, he thought. Must be one of the high clearance elves teleporting in…
Then he realised all the important elves were already in the palace.
The figure in the centre of the circle began to take shape. It was a girl, average height, thin…with dark hair…in pigtails.
Yakky fell out of the tree, prepared to yell out some kind of warning to those in the palace and then run screaming for his life. Slowly, Beansprout turned to look at him.
Then her eyes rolled up in her head, her knees seemed to give way beneath her and she fell over.
Yakky fought the urge to run over. It's a trick, he thought. If I go over there I'll be dead before I know it.
Ten minutes later, he was beginning to doubt his resolve. Warily, he walked over to where she lay, keeping safely out of arm's reach. She was face down in the grass. He couldn't see her expression.
"I could still get you from there."
Yakky didn't move.
Beansprout continued hesitantly "I don't expect you to say anything, I just wanted to tell you - there's something wrong with me, I don't know how to fix it. but for the moment it's... not me...and…I…I wanted to say I'm sorry, while I can."
"Can you even get up?" Yakky said quietly.
"…No."
"Here," He stepped towards her and, with some difficulty, picked her up. Slowly he walked back towards the castle.

* * *

"How can we find the AI? How do we kill it? Where are the Big Pricks? Come on! I need answers people!" Flibbage paced up and down. "Maybe I could go back to D'Arcie's pocket reality and..."
"Don't you mean delegate a search party?" interrupted Red.
"Pardon?"
"Well, you can't just run around Intertextuality any more. You're Queen, you have responsibilities here. Why don't you send Flee!-Bee's lot?"
"Because only Flee!-Bee, Petrobrad and the Twiz are left!"
"Well…somebody else, then."
"Someone must do it, someone you see - argh goddammit blasted HAT!"
"I guess she's right," said J to Flibbage. "I mean, you're Queen now, and I have to run NGSPIB, and Yakky will need time to recover, and Beansprout-"
"-IS ON THE FRIKKIN' LAWN!" screamed Flil, who had happened to glance out of the window.
Panic ensued.
"DUCK AND COVER, DUCK AND COVER!" yelled Flathryn.
"I think Yakky is her hostage!" Flil continued, peeking over the windowsill. "No…wait…he picked her up?"
"What the folk?" said Flibbage, running over. "C'mon," she said to J, and, grabbing his arm, teleported them outside.

* * *

"What's going on?" she asked Yakky as she and J reappeared.
"She's hurt, she needs our help," Yakky replied, putting Beansprout down. As Flibbage knelt on the lawn to survey the situation, J looked back towards the palace where fifty or so worried faces were staring at them, almost certainly thinking 'But we only just got a new Queen…'
"I don't think she's in any danger. She's got some serious wounds, but they're healing," said Flibbage. "Did she say anything to you?"
"She said she's sorry and she couldn'tt help it."
The three of them stood in silence around Beansprout.
Slowly, she opened one eye.
"Flibbage?"
"Hi…"
"Nice crown."
"Yeah - I'm Queen now - people - well, died."
Beansprout's face froze. "Oh God, I didn't-"
"No, you had nothing to do with it, it was Oddball. Besides, most of them came back - well, apart from Flori and Phat. And Cabbage is a small cat."
"A cat?"
"Reincarnation." [Mine's a Beamish Red!][It would be funny if you drank it]
"Oh."
More uncomfortable silence.

* * *

Beansprout sat on a chair in the throne room, while most of the faeries stood as close to the walls as possible.
"This person who helped you, you say he looked like J?" Red asked, tapping away on her laptop as Cabbage tried her best to walk all over the keys [as cats do].
"Yes," Beansprout said quietly, without looking at anyone.
"It must be the A.I!" said Red. "Remember how the other looked like Yakky?"
"Oh, fantastic - now I'm the Big Bad," said J. "Just great."
"Should you really keep using that laptop if we're dealing with rogue A.I?" asked Dee. [If you read this while thinking 'AI' as in 'Amnesty International' it does funny things to your head…]
"Who are you?" said Beansprout, noticing her for the first time.
"Oh - um - this is Dee," said Yakky. "She's another werewolf."
"Oh," said Beansprout, returning her gaze firmly to the floor, much to Yakky's dismay.
"No! No! It isn't anything like that-"
"No, I understand that no-one really wants me around here, I only came back because the 'crazy' AI told me to…"
"No, honestly, I do want you around, I-"
"Oh dear Lord," said Flibbage to herself "it's all back to square one…"

[Dude, we seriously have to get these guys back on the road…the sheer number of characters is too overwhelming, let's get them out of Faerie. Oh, I cannot write in a sensible manner. I should plan my episodes more…it's all just so much unconnected nonsense.]

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."