Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale

Hey - you know what we have with the new cast of six? EVEN MORE PARODY POTENTIAL! Because we have…
1. Three girls
2. Three guys
3. One on-off couple
4. One sarcastic character (actually, many…)
5. Lots of romantic confusion
6. In-jokes
7. Randomness

All we need now is Yakky running around shouting "WE WERE ON A BREAK!" And a coffee shop.

And so, in the spirit of that…another song parody! You know you love them.

So no-one told you life was going to be a joke
You're on the edge and someone's trying to steal your bloke
You're staying about as sane as you can
Until you go and find your double is a man

Yes, things are crap for you
(Every day that goes by)
Things are crap for you
(People might have to die)
Life is crap for you
And for all your friends too

When things get twisted and you're feeling all alone
Or you get screwed up and can't call your mind your own
It isn't easy to control yourself
Just blame your mother, 'cos she folked round with an elf

Life's a bitch, it's true
(And you know who to thank)
Life's a bitch, it's true
(When your mum is a skank)
Life's a bitch, it's true
Hell, it sucks to be yoooou.]

Episode #85: The One with the Gender Issues
By Ally

"Flelen?" said Fjen.
"Hello!"
"What are you carrying?"
"My secret weapon!"
The imps were wandering through the open, LOTR-esque landscape, accompanied by their horde of ninja hamsters (who, under Flelen's instruction, were marching in goose-step)
"Secret weapon," Fjen echoed.
"Yup!"
"Flelen, it's a big bloody foam sign that says SURPRISE!" [Based on an actual conversation…]
Flelen nodded sadly. "Heathcliffe gave it to me."
"What possible use can it be?"
"Well…SURPRISE!" Flelen shouted, and hit Fjen with the sign.
"Yes," said Fljen, picking herself up. "That was quite effective."
"Thank you!"

* * *

"We must have the wrong half-elf," Yakky insisted. "There must be other elves who ran off with humans…"
Dee was stifling a laugh. Flibbage contemplated hitting her.
"It kind of makes sense…" said J.
"Oh, thank you!" snapped Beansprout.
"Will you all shut up and think about this?" asked Dee [She's getting quite nasty really, isn't she? Maybe we should develop her nice side…][she's just mean]"All we need to do is go down there and ask him searching personal questions."
"Why?" asked - guess who - J.
"To see if he's anything like Sprout. It stands to reason that counterparts would be similar."
"Hah!" Flib snorted.
"What?"
"You're completely…right."
"You two know Sprout best," J said to Flib and Yakky. "You should go and ask the questions."
"J!" Flib whispered. "We can't leave Beansprout and Dee together! There'd be death!"
"No there won't, because I'm here with my weapons of total destruction and cheery attitude."
"We can hear you, you know," said Beansprout, with something of her old, healthy, sane pissed-offness.
"Well, it's the only thing we can do," said Flib. "You three, wait there, and please try not to hurt each other."

* * *

The half-elf, who was sitting on a tombstone eating a sandwich, looked up as Flib and Yakky approached.
"Hey dudes!" he said cheerfully. "Who are you?"
"Um…I'm Yakky, and this is Flibbage, Queen of Faerie," said Yakky, when it became clear that Flib was too busy scribbling notes on a clipboard to reply.
"Hey, good to meet you. I'm Bobjim." [Em hates this name. It was the only one I could think of. Anyway, it beats 'Son-of-Flom' (to be said in a deep scary voice)][thats not true, it's a stupid name, but i don't hate it by any means]
"Stupid name - check!" said Flib, embarrassingly loudly.
"Er…so…do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"
Bobjim shrugged. "Nah, go ahead."
"OK. Right. So…you like graveyards?"
"Eh, they're OK. Kind of peaceful. Not fussed about the religion, though - I'm a Taoist."
"Rebelling against parents - check!"
"Have you ever had problems with split personalities?"
Bob-Jim frowned. "Weeeell…once I drank three litres of Cherry Coke in five minutes. I wasn't myself for a while after that."
"Tenuous…"
"Um…"
"Do you have a thing for people with ears?" Flib interrupted.
"I prefer them to people without ears."
"No, on their…oh, never mind."
"Why the questions, dudes?" asked Bob-Jim.
"Well…you see…" Yakky began.
"We reckoned you were the balancing counterpart to a friend of ours who's been suffering from psychotic episodes and schizophrenia," said Flib "but really, personality-wise, you're nothing like her, so thanks for your time."
"But dude," said Bob-Jim, after working out what the hell she meant "if I'm meant to balance her out, shouldn't I be the opposite? You know, like Yin-Yang?"
Yakky watched in worriment as Flib stared at Bobjim, and then began to beat herself over the head with her clipboard.
"Of COURSE! If you were BOTH half-evil half-good you'd cancel YOURSELVES out! This had better be a folking inconsistency because I am not THAT stupid!"
"Ooookay…" said Yakky.
"Right," Flib threw away the board and grabbed Bob-Jim's arm. "You're coming to meet some friends of ours."

* * *

"Flelen?" Fjen asked, very wearily.
"Hi!"
"Do you have any idea where we're going?"
"Yes, I'm following this trail!" Flelen pointed to the ground. "I noticed those tracks around where Heathcliffe…passed away…"
"Flelen-"
"And look, there's more and more of them!"
"Yes, Flelen. That's because they're our tracks, and we are walking around a tree. We are walking around and around the same sodding tree."
"Oh no we're not!" Flelen said in her usual cheery voice. "We're tracking something!"
"Flelen!"
Suddenly, Flelen spun around, leapt forwards and hit the thing that was following them.
"SURPRISE, EVIL BEAST!"
"Eek! I mean, feh!" Inuyasha exclaimed, and began to struggle helplessly because in the blink of an eye, the ninja hamsters had tied him up [I'n't that always the way?]"What are you doing, wench?"
"You killed Heathcliffe!" Flelen shouted. "Are you really that SURPRISED we found you?"
"I didn't kill anyone! Kagome won't let me."
"Well, if you don't kill people, why were you stalking us?"
"I was hungry!"
"A-HAH!"
"And you have chocolate," Inuyasha added hopefully.
"You didn't want to eat us?"
"Not unless you're made of chocolate."
"Well-" Fjen began, whereupon Flelen kicked her. "Oh - right. Um…Then why were your tracks at the scene of Heathcliffe's death?"
"He had a Mini Coke he no longer had a use for."
"Oh. Sorry!" Flelen said cheerfully.
"Can I have some chocolate?"
"What chocolate? I don't have any chocolate," said Flelen, pulling a Yorkie out of her pocket.
"Gimme!"
"Give you what?" Flelen began to eat the Yorkie.[also based on the real life adventures of Helen and Jen Ainsworth]
Fjen thought about criticising her, then decided it would be far more fun to join in.

* * *

Beansprout, Dee and J had been sitting in silence for minutes.
"If he comes near you," asked Dee suddenly "will you merge together?"
"Shut up."
J sat awkwardly in between them, pretending to text L.
"How do you know Yakky?"
Dee glanced at Beansprout. "Oh, we met in London."
"And?"
"…I don't think I should tell you."
Beansprout was silent for a while. "I see," she said finally.
"No - listen, don't get the wrong idea. This really was ages ago, just after his mum died."
"So what's the problem with you telling me?"
Dee shrugged. "It's complicated."
"Fine, let's break it down, make it simple. What happened?"
"We talked - about you, mainly - and he met some of my friends."
"He never mentioned you."
"He wouldn't have thought there was anything to tell."
"But there is, isn't there?"
Dee held up her hands. "Look, no matter what your friend seems to believe, I'm not trying to bugger things up. If they got buggered up by themselves-"
"What happened?"
"He kind of beat the living crap out of my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend."
"Why would that bother me?"
"Do you really want to know?"

* * *

By the time Flib, Yakky and Bob-Jim reached them, the silence had returned, icier than ever. Flib ignored it.
"OK, everyone," she said. "Meet Bob-Jim."
"Hey dudes!"
"He's Beansprout's possible equal and definite opposite, no matter what some people might think, and I'm guessing that if he hangs around with us, he might balance her out."
"How?" asked J.
"I…don't know.Narrative generic thing."
Beansprout had stood up. She was staring at Bobjim, who grinned cheerfully.
"Hey, so you're insane. That's cool."
Beansprout punched him in the face, knocked him to the floor and began kicking him.
"THAT'S for the voices in the head! THAT'S for the psychotic episodes! THAT'S for the trauma! THAT'S for the unnecessary violence!"
Dee levelled the crossbow. "Should I shoot her?"
"She knows what she's doing," said Yakky.
Eventually, Beansprout stopped. "God, that feels better."
"Dude," Bobjim said reproachfully as he picked himself up.
"Aren't you hurt?" asked J.
"Nah."
"Amazing!" said Flib, striking a distinctly sidekicky pose. "A living punchbag that-"
"We get it," said Dee.
Beansprout straightened her clothes and turned to them. "Right! Flib, get a plan. J, get a clue. Dee, be useful, and Bob-Jim? You're coming with us."
"OK. For what?"
"Oh, just a little Sunday-afternoon world-saving as bloody usual."
Yakky tapped her shoulder and smiled. "What about me?"
"You," Beansprout replied "are a complete and utter tosser, and I hope you rot in hell. Come on, everyone!"
"Well, she's back to normal," J murmured, falling into step beside Flib.
"Yes," said Flib. "Unfortunately, we really are back to square folking one."

[The plot thickens and unthickens and thickens again…somewhat like my macaroni cheese. Actually, I think this is a bit of a cop-out, but hey.
We definitely need to wean Bob-Jim off the word "Dude…"
The rest of the notebook was filled with transcripts of the SURPRISE conversation and the conversation where Cathryn 'mended' Mind's chocolate bar, me ranting about Derren Brown, and me complaining that the Stowe boy who I had a crush on was no longer cute. Well, he shouldn't have done something so bloody stupid with his hair.
And that's my typing done! Woohoo! *Ally breaks open a bottle of cider*][Thank god for that]

Episode#1 "The Tale Begins."
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
Volume 2: Til Death do us Part
Episode#9 "Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
Episode#14 "Ra-Ra-Rasputin!"
Volume 3: Space Opera
Episode#15 "Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#17 "Lardraptors!"
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
Volume 4: Unconventional
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
Volume 5: Happy Endings
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
Volume 6: Killing Time
Episode#46 "Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
Volume 7: Intertextuality
pisode#62 "Faerietale."
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#72 "Ghostmom."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
Volume 8: Loose Ends
Episode#79 "Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#86 "Disneyland."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#88 "Perspective."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
Extras
Episode#92 "Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."