|Volume 1: a Foolish Faerietale||
The IBYKS Companion; Chapter II
What’s in a name?
A) The main cast.
Beansprout Jones. (#1-Al)
our slightly dubious heroine, is one of the few truly fictional original
characters in this story. Named by Alice, her title stems from Alice’s
description of her as ‘Tall and Lanky’ and therefore similar to the vegetable.
Now my own personal description of a bean sprout would be ‘Pale
and Tasteless’ but we won’t quibble. She was given her surname by me,
so that she could be called ‘Beandiana Jones’- hahaha… or not. Incidentally,
the Japanese word for bean sprout is ‘Moyashi’ which would have been a
terrific name if I’d spoken Japanese back then. Beansprout can also be
counted as a Vegetable Faerie name as Red (Her Mum) has a little faerie
blood in her veins (Red’s Brother Fliain is an elf). Although Beansprout
herself is unfortunately half-nymph
Background; Beansprout was just the average incredibly intelligent, foul-mouthed, sarcastic five year-old, until one day, whilst strolling along the banks of a river, she found a bottle. This bottle contained her faerie God-Aunt, Flibbage, who gave her a prophecy (floppy disk containing useless poem) and a magic sword (The Rather Useless Machine Gun of Peace). This was where her life took a turn for the bizarre, and ever since she has been closely involved with the world of Faerie and the general safety of the planet. Her hyper-intelligence grants her a razor-sharp wit, a sharper mouth, and the ability to build amazing machinery out of useless junk. One bad point is that she can be a little psychotic at times, but we forgive her.
Position in narrative; Primary Protagonist and sword-wielding post-modern heroine.
Flibbage (#1-Al), Cablim (#6-Em) and Bica (#12-Em)
The Crown Princess of Faerie’s name is a combination of her parents Flynn and Cabbage. This style of naming also stretches to her brother Cablim and her sister Bicaflagimoflamimiflimimbage (Bica for short) The plan forming, spell casting, mini-skirt wearing faerie is also a completely original character, made up by Al. Cablim appeared from somewhere in my mind, just as that annoying brother heroines always have. Bica started out as made up, but has become more and more like lucy (my sister) especially now she is a teenager, so when she’s in one of my episodes I give her obsessive compulsive behaviour. Alice gives her teen angst.
Character; Although Flibbage is only a teenager in looks; she’s hundreds of years old in Earth years. She also happens to be the Crown Princess of the Faerie realm. She has detailed knowledge of the science of Generics, is experienced in most forms of Faerie magic (specializing in Donkey and Cabbage magic), and always has a plan. She is generally considered quite a proficient faerie because of her ability to think of words that rhyme (an essential ability to spellcasters). She also happens to be the Faery Godmother, the title given to the most powerful Faerie, who must also be guardian of 'The story'... this means keeping Beansprout out of too much trouble.
Position in narrative; sidekick, though not of the comedy kind. Keeper of all magical get-out-of-jail-free cards.
Poor Yakky, his original title is ‘Yakky the Yak boy’. Brought up in Nepal, he is the son of Buffy and Bartholomew the Yak farmer/vicar (or so we’d have you think). Unfortunately he was also allergic to Yaks, making his life extremely woeful indeed until the age of nine, when his mother chucked him out for failing to kill Beansprout. Luckily, he grew up to be far more handsome than his name would suggest, and did, in fact turn out to be a werewolf. This is not because he was bitten, but because Buffy had an affair with Oz the werewolf, and Yakky is in fact his son, not Bartholomew’s. The scandal! However, this makes him only a semi-original character, because as time goes by, he develops some distinctly Inu-Yasha-esque characteristics, owing to Alice and my obsession with werewolf boys.
J is most definitely NOT Will Smith’s character from Men In Black… oh no. Well at least he isn’t now, maybe he once was, but if you ask him, he’ll deny it. He’s there, well because he’s cool, and we needed another guy so that Flibbage wouldn’t have to hang around with a couple all the time.
Cabbage, Queen of Faerie (#4-Em)
Cabbage is me as I would like to be, although I stress I *never* actually threw a shoe at anyone, it’s a myth! Cabbage is my childhood nickname, because I was chubby when I was small and wore a huge green duffle coat. It made me miserable throughout first school, and there were people who didn’t know my real name, but now whose laughing? ME THAT’S WHO! Ah ha ha!!! And I love my wicked Nickname. Queen of Faerie? Well that’s because it’s true... no really it’s because I was adopted as everyone’s ‘mother’ at school and I prefer ‘faerie godmother’.
Darry once called Alice ‘Red’ because she supposedly eats like a red squirrel. Nowadays her pseudonym is ‘Legless the Elf’ but Red has a nicer ring to it for literary purposes. Plays the part of an absent-minded, dappy, alcoholic author because… uh… that’s what she is… at least we don't write about her efforts to keep a job.
Barry(#3 Al)/ Flarry(#55-Al).
The Nymph of Camp and the evil leader of NGSPIB are both based on awful gay-but-not-gay ex-boyfriend-of-Alice Darry Kahjepur. Vain, slutty, backstabbing, bitchy and hours of entertainment for all. Me and Darry first knew each other as ‘weird boy’ and ‘weird girl’. Now I blank him if I see him... why? because he's scum.
Flynn is supposed to be my imaginary boyfriend. We gave him an ass’s head because that’s what happens in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, not for any other reason cryptic or otherwise. He was meant to be completely made up, but if he’s got elements of any real folk about him, it would have to be Tom W- for all the usual reasons. Hence why he isn’t in it anymore, and Tom has a new character.
You may notice that a lot in IBYKS. People take on new roles and sometimes become a new character depending on our opinion of them at the time, that is because sub-textually IBYKS is a commentary on the lives of us and our friends, our thoughts, emotions and relationships. And of course, our strong desire to escape our mundane existence in boring Tingewick. The first person to get the ‘Fl’ treatment on their name although technically Flynn isn’t anyone’s name if you take away the ‘Fl’. except lynn.. and thats my mum's name... so, just no.
Buffy the space pirate/ Vampire slayer (#2-Em), Flamilla the useless Elf(#44-Em), Campfy(#44-Em)/Evil Campfy(#57-Al).
Camilla at the time we began this story was having a ‘phase’. She was controlling, bossy, fundamentalist and really was on some kind of ego-trip. Fortunately she’s her own special brand of normal again now, and in reality she quite enjoyed being the IBYKS villain. Her evolution into ‘nice’ Campfy and her later return to the dark side, proves that we just couldn’t live without our favourite style-conscious arch-nemesis. Rest assured that if we find a plausible way to resurrect her again (having gunned her down twice) we will. The name comes from her obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Flamilla is of course a ‘Fl’ name, and Campfy is Camilla crossed with Buffy with a comedy ‘P’.
I'm pretty sure that D'arcy, villainess of series seven and eight, is pretty much just another incarnation of Buffy.
Alas, we made him up. He’s too implausible to be real and doesn’t have a big enough role anyway. He’s just there to do Buffy’s bidding and disappears after about series two without a trace.
Melinda Mabbutt. There really are no words for how odd this girl is, although she’s not as strange as she was. Really does randomly use the words ‘Fred’ and ‘sausage’ to replace key parts of sentences and people’s names. Talks to the people who live in her head (Fred and Mindetta of course), so we made her a mystical priestess, and then later on, a double agent…
B) Supporting cast & cameo’s
Goddess of…*take a deep breath*… YAKS, SHEDS, WEREWOLVES, VIOLENT GIRLS WITH MAGICAL WEAPONRY, CHEESE, TOTEM POLES, THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY AND EX-GOVERNMENT AGENTS TRAPPED IN CELLS WITH NOISY AND CHEERFUL LITTLE FAERIES!!! Valkyrie type scary woman who fears marbles and can turn people into cheese. Not based on anyone.
One of the two great personalities of the Sword of Slayskull (The second is yet to be revealed). Looks like a fit guy… but with antlers. More randomness from the world of Alice. Doles out sensible, but seemingly pointless advice. Like Ynri, is a totally invented deity.
Ah Legolas…*sigh* his golden hair is so swishy, he can shoot orcs and elephants, he can run about really fast… so we made him Cabbage’s boyfriend so she could be mean to him and bitch about her angst all the time. Has a masked alter-ego for being a superhero, but looks sort of stupid. Speaks in flowery language all the time annoying all the other faeries by giving them a bad name as poncy flower-loving hippies. Called Elf, because that’s what me Kat and Lil named him so that we could yell ‘Strider! Elf! Gandalf!’ at the screen whilst watching LOTR
It’s hard work being an author’s ex, look at the shit we put Barry through. But Tom W gets a better deal as a character, because I can at least admit to myself that I am petty, bitchy sulky and illogical, and I throw tantrums, so it’s not his fault anyway. Flom as a character is perpetually cheerful, mucks out ovens in pizza shops, eventually is roped into being a horseperson of the apocalypse and meets a sad fate as a novelty war hammer figure. Maybe one day we’ll resurrect him- and Cabbage can throw her shoes around some more.
Oz (#29 Al)
Stolen from Buffy, the guitar strumming leader of the Nepalese-Resistance-Against-the-NGSPIB and Yakky’s real father, hence the werewolf genes. Proves rather useless as his idea of resistance is protest songs.
The E-clones (#49 Al)
The premise is this. There was a time-travel capability spaceship called Deepwater Yak, built by NGSPIB, on which was stored the DNA of Yakky, Beansprout, Flibbage and J after Yakky was killed in a car accident and the other three were gunned down by Buffy in series three. The purpose of it was to take the four protagonists DNA as far away from earth as possible leaving the NGSPIB free to take over. However, the ghosts, who were stranded on the ship anyway, used it to clone themselves and possess their own clones. They then had to go liberate planet Earth anyway, because the ship had gone through a wormhole twenty years into the future. But I digress. The DNA was still on the ship when it crashed back into earth shortly afterwards and the NGSPIB found a much better use for it. They created new clones with special E.V.I.L dna(it doesn’t stand for anything) added, to infiltrate and take over Faerie. The clones were scary, fast, intelligent and violent, but also fatally flawed. They had no knowledge of anything that had happened to our original characters after their deaths.
YAK(ky) (#21 Al)
The holographic A.I of Deepwater YAK is modelled on Yakky’s DNA and has his personality if not his memories. Actually it quite reminds me of Tim in some way, not sure why. Probably because its so hopelessly pessimistic
KYAKKY (#17 Al)
Yakky, when he possessed the NGSPIB agent K, simple as that.
Rasputin/Rabbi (#11 & #13 Al)
For some reason the guardian of the spirit realm is a Rabbi, who later turns out to be Rasputin, who later turns out to be Barry in disguise. Who knows why, we can only blame it on the fact that he, like Oddball is in fact evil.
Cockney Jesus (#43 Al)
I don’t know why Alice makes up these random things, somehow she got it into her head that Jesus should be a cockney pub-man.
The BEAST (#44 Em)
The beast is from the bible, come on, everyone knows the beast! It’s true, if you ever want a really gruesome story or a truly scary monster, the bible is the place to look. The people who wrote it lived in a good era for pain and death.
The Antichrist (#45 Al)
Likewise to found in the bible, terrorizing the infidels probably.
Tequila the alcohorse (#28 EM)
This is all based on Alice’s inability to listen properly. I was telling her about some amusing book I’d read (virtual mode by Piers Antony) which featured a talking horse called tequiero. Alice replied with ‘What? The horse is called Tequila?’ (Special Alice View of World). We decided Tequila was a much better name for a horse anyway, and it would be a rescue horse like a st. Bernards dog, but with saddle-bags full of liquor. Thus the saviour of Faerie parties and Cabbage’s favourite steed was born.
Fjenny & Flelen. (55 Al)
Imps. Twin imps. Scarily athletic and tag-team of imp bodyguards. Keepers of fiendish ninja hampsters. Flelen is Heathcliffe’s object of worship, but she claims not to be interested. Unsurprisingly these are the Ainsworths who are scary and athletic… by the way Fjenny is pronounced ‘fee-any’ not ‘fuhjenny’. Like Fjords.
C) Characters in Vol. 7
Felicity Brassique (#62 Em)
Red-haired, long-legged, knows a lot of words that rhyme… sounds familiar? Well think again, because Felicity is a cheerleader form Sunnydale. Or is she? One of four characters who appear at the beginning of volume seven whose characters are strangely reminiscent of four other people. But still made up.
Jack. E Jameson (#62 Em)
Also from Sunnydale, an amiable werewolf with a crush on beautiful Princess Beanderella.
Beanderella (#62 Em)
Princess of Sproutania, raven-haired, ballgown-wearing weakling, that is until she gets Kidnapped by Jack. E then dropped into the MooreVerse and left to fend for herself.
Sir William of the Hood. (#62 Em)
Sir William rescues Beanderella from an evil dragon and of course asks her to marry him. She is then kidnapped from the ceremony by Jack. E and Sir William has to find her, with Felicity’s help, of course.
The Narrative function; Feminism (#63 Al)
She who upholds the rights of women in the literary world. Unfortunately gets booted out of a window.
The personification of the unspoken rules of Dungeons & Dragons (11th Edition). (#64 Em)
It would have been cruel to base this character on any of the D&D players I am acquainted with, as he is a horrid little nerd of the worst kind. So he is not real.
Heathcliffe (#66 Em)
When we decided to include Stu in ‘The Cabbage and Red adventure’ as he calls it (or rather he nagged us into including him), his proposal went thus;
“Call me Heath! No- Cliff! And I want to beat up Barry!”
Thus he is Heathcliffe, the brave and noble warrior, armed with his mini-coke and selection of cheesy chat-up lines. And well- isn’t it about time someone hit Barry?
The Twizard (The Twiz) (#66 Em)
There are four great tales told of RLS. The strangely named DESIGASPRING, the sporadic at the best of times prequel ‘Replaceable heroes’, the (vaguely) regularly updated IBYKS and ‘Legend of Stuart 2’. Thus Tim, the author of LOS2 has gained himself a place in IBYKS as Heathcliffe’s scribe, recorder of his great achievements… and idiotic failures. It’s all a case of parody within parody… And Twizard? It’s one of his many nicknames, the full version being Timlin The TalibanTwizard, and it’s the one he dislikes the most, so it was way more fun to use than Stokerino.
Jenenchilada (#66 Em)
Could it be? A character more dappy than Red? The Chaotic evil ‘Rogue’ with amazing hacking skills is none other than our own blonde-in-disguise Becky. Creator of such classics as “I can do anything in trainers… wait! Stop thinking that!” and “Well I don’t have time for mr. ‘I’m too beige for my own self’-Hah!” Jenenchilada is a mixture of her sad attempt to bunk off ‘dress as a film star’ day by saying she was Jennifer Anniston and her nickname Beckinchilada. Well it was that or ‘Beckini.’ Coincidentally… Fleckini the nymph, that’s her too.
Flee-! Bee Moon. (#66 EM)
This started off as a ‘fl’ name but Phoebe just sounds funny with an L in it, so it became a command, and the Faerie became a long lost insect hunter. The moon part is because the greek goddess of the moon/hunting was called phoebe too.
Episode#2 "Enter the Token Bloke."
Episode#3 "Stop Silicon Valley, I want to Get Off!."
Episode#4 "Faery Frolics and Fun with a Prophecy."
Episode#5 "The Loco Journeys."
Episode#6 "Cablim gets a Nasty Surprise."
Episode#7 "Beandiana Jones and the Temple of Choom."
Episode#8 "Oddball's Odd Behaviour."
|Volume 2: Til Death do us Part|
"Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen."
Episode#10 "The Sprout Sense."
Episode#11 "Four Funerals and another Funeral.
Episode#12 "Misty Water Colour Spirit Realm...."
Episode#13 "Interview with a Vampire Slayer."
|Volume 3: Space Opera|
"Now the Thugs don't Work..."
Episode#16 "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
Episode#18 "Go Folk Yo' Mama!"
Episode#19 "The Platetrix."
Episode#20 "In Space no one can Hear you Order Pizza."
Episode#21 "Deepwater Yak."
Episode#22 "Yak trek."
Episode#23 "Planet of the crepes."
Episode#24 "Dude Where's my Comedy Plot Conventions?."
|Volume 4: Unconventional|
Episode#25 "A Clockwork Beansprout."
Episode#26 "The Long Awaited Explaination."
Episode#27 "Ten things I hate about 'funny' cartoon crossovers."
Episode#28 "The Plan."
|Volume 5: Happy Endings|
Episode#29 "We're off to See a Werewolf..."
Episode#30 "The Yak and the Beansprout."
Episode#31 "The fellowship of the Thing."
Episode#32 "The one Where the Cast of Friends do Nothing and the Cast of IBYKS do little more."
Episode#33 "Meet your Yak."
Episode#34 "The Laughing Yak."
Episode#35 "Lord of the Thing(s)."
Episode#36 "Extra Extra Special with Magic, Cheese and Tesco."
Episode#37 "Faeries and Werewolves and Yaks, oh My!."
Episode#38 "IBYKS The animated feature film."
Episode#39 "The return of the Parents of the Children."
Episode#40 "Events Concluding Those which Preceeded."
Episode#41 "The Chips of WRATH!."
Episode#42 "In which Cabbage has Angst."
Episode#43 "Heaven is a Shoeshop."
Episode#44 "The Importance of being Soulless."
Episode#45 "Vinyl fantasy."
|Volume 6: Killing Time|
"Where is My Happy Ending...?"
Episode#47 "The Books of Faerie."
Episode#48 "Back to the Future from the Past..."
Episode#49 "The Time and Space of the Old Dude with the 'tache."
Episode#50 "Sprout, Flib, Yakky & J's Excellent Adventure."
Episode#51 "The Nerds The Nerds!"
Episode#52 "The Land of Reality."
Episode#53 "Ordinary (boring) World."
Episode#54 "Smoke and Mirrors."
Episode#55 "Some things we hate about Clones."
Episode#56 "I've got no Idea what you did Last Summer..."
Episode#57 "The Shoe Towers."
Episode#58 "Pizza is a dish best Served Cold."
Episode#59 "Sprout's Masked Replica."
Episode#60 "Curiouser and Curiouser..."
Episode#61 "Not another Season Finale?."
|Volume 7: Intertextuality|
Episode#63 "When Narrative Functions Turn Bad..."
Episode#64 "Jack, the Beanstalk, The Beauty, The Beast, The Witch, The Wardrobe and Will."
Episode#65 "Its a Good Li(f)e."
Episode#66 "The one with Four Titles..."
Episode#67 "The B Team."
Episode#68 "Narnia Has Nothing on this..."
Episode#69 "Clash of the Heroines."
Episode#70 "To Infinity and Beyond."
Episode#71 "The Thingwraith."
Episode#73 "And all that Black Widow Crap Jazz."
Episode#74 "I've got a theory..."
Episode#75 "Magical Girl- Pretty Scary."
Episode#76 "Wheels within Wheels within Wheels- ARGH!"
Episode#77 "J's Story."
Episode#78 "Irrevocably Broken."
|Volume 8: Loose Ends|
"Lots of things Begin With Dee."
Episode#80 "Adventures in Slumberland."
Episode#81 "The One with the Revelation."
Episode#82 "Artificial Life Sucks.com."
Episode#83 "Saving Beansprout's Brain."
Episode#84 "The Road is Folking Hard..."
Episode#85 "The One with Gender Issues."
Episode#87 "(DEMON)Llama Llama Llama..."
Episode#89 "Me, Myself and Ai."
Episode#90 "Wedding Cake or Death."
Episode#91 "Real Life.or Pizza, With Extra Cheese."
"Prologue in Manga Form."
Episode#93 "Curtain Opens."
Episode#94 "Trailer for series six."
Episode#95 "A nepalese Werewolf in London."(Flashback story, prelude to series eight)
Episode#96 "Fantasy Life Sucks."
Episode#97 "Credits Roll."
Episode#98 "IBYKS Companion (Part 1)."
Episode#99 "IBYKS Companion (Part 2)."
Episode#100 "IBYKS Companion (Part 3)."